12/10/2025

ON SUNDAY October 12, 2025 theSunday Special IV

I N the heart of every family, where names blur between sibling squab bles and shared meals, there lies a quiet question: Who truly sees the child in the middle? Not just in the photos or family trips, but emotionally, deeply and wholly? Middle Child Syndrome has long been dismissed as a punchline and a funny meme shared online – yet another trope we use to simplify complex childhood dynamics. But what if it is not a myth, but a mirror? $ UHÀHFWLRQ RI KRZ HDVLO\ HPRWLRQDO JDSV form in even the most loving households. To explore this idea, we turn to Alia Nizar, a life coach and founder of Mind Contemplation, one of the few voices in Malaysia daring to bridge personal introspection with communal healing. Alia is not a middle child herself. She is the youngest, the only daughter, with three older brothers. Yet her perspective is far from distant. “I’m married to a middle child,” she shared. “I’ve observed these dynamics closely through my husband, my brothers and my clients.” Today, her coaching work centres on helping women, especially those who feel stuck between expectations and identity, reconnect with their truth. And among them, middle children appear often. Myth or mirror? From a clinical perspective, Middle Child 6\QGURPH LV QRW DQ Ṙ FLDO SV\FKRORJLFDO diagnosis. But the emotional patterns it points to are often very real. These children are not forgotten delib erately. Instead, they are overshadowed by the logistical and emotional intensity of family life. “In many households, especially in Asia, the eldest is the pride. The youngest is protected. The middle? They’re expected to cope,” said Alia. “The emotional bandwidth simply isn’t always there.” She explained that this isn’t due to neglect, but rather emotional misattun ement. Parents often rely on the blueprint

Lost in the middle Middle Child Syndrome may not be in the diagnostic or statistical manual, but its emotional echoes are real BY AQILAH NAJWA JAMALUDDIN

XVHG ZLWK WKH ¿UVW FKLOG DVVXPLQJ LW ZLOO work again. But every child is, in Alia’s ZRUGV ³D GL̆ HUHQW FDUWULGJH LQ WKH VDPH Game Boy”. Without a conscious pause to ask, “Who is this child right now?”, many parents inadvertently parent on autopi lot. Discovery-based parenting, as Alia described it, requires intentionality.

Beth may not technically be the middle child, but she embodies the ache of being emotionally overlooked. The child who causes no trouble. Who adjusts. Who gives without asking. Who learns to speak only softly because she fears her needs might be too loud. “Even in well-meaning homes, the middle child can become emotionally invisible,” Alia added. “Not because they were unloved, but EHFDXVH WKH\ ZHUH DVVXPHG WR EH ¿QH ´ How emotional neglect shapes personality The coping mechanisms that middle children develop are rarely disruptive. In fact, they are often praised. Independence. Maturity. Calmness. But beneath the surface, these traits can mask emotional suppression and internal FRQÀLFW “They’re the ‘good kids’. The one who never causes trouble. But also the one no one checks in with emotionally,” said Alia. Through years of observation, both professionally and personally, Alia has LGHQWL¿HG VHYHUDO UHFXUULQJ SDWWHUQV • Avoidant attachment: A tendency to self-soothe and withdraw emotionally, having learnt that their inner world is not likely to be met with interest. • High-functioning people-pleasing: A need to maintain peace at all costs, often paired with crippling indecision and self-doubt. • Silent rebellion: A quiet refusal to en JDJH RU FRQIRUP QRW WKURXJK FRQÀLFW but through emotional disengagement.

They don’t explode. They withdraw. They say ‘yes’ while their gut screams ‘no’.”

It asks parents not just to feed, clothe or discipline, but to become curious about what the child fears, loves and needs at each phase of life. You see glimpses of this in stories ZH¶YH ORQJ FKHULVKHG ,Q WKH IDPRXV ¿OP adaptation of Little Women, Beth March, a gentle, kind and ever-accommodating character, lives mainly in the quiet spaces between her louder sisters. Jo burns with passion, Amy craves attention and Meg is the model’s older sibling. But Beth? She nurtures everyone but herself. Her softness is mistaken for simplicity, her quietness for stability. When her light begins to dim, it is not with protest or complaint, but with acceptance because no one thought to ask how heavy her silence had become.

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