29/08/2025

FRIDAY | AUG 29, 2025

10

UNDER ONE ROOF

Building bonds through respect Q: I am a newly married stepmother trying to build family connections but my husband’s children are not exactly warming up to me. What can I do? a practical new approach in their book But I’m Not a Wicked Stepmother . punctuality can be more critical in some situations than in others. “On time” can mean one thing at the office or in the classroom but in less formal settings, there is a lot more room for interpretation.

others are not. Some operate on a schedule while others live so intensely “in the moment” that they have no sense of time and pay no attention to the ticking of the clock. If differences of this kind are the source of the conflict, you may have to figure out a way to accept the situation and move on. If you cannot accept it – even though you are convinced that there is no ill will on your spouse’s part – you may need to examine yourself to find out why his lateness bothers you so much. In some cases, it may be necessary to take two cars if you want to make it to a party or dinner date on time. This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

Instead of attempting to take on the full role of “mum” right away, interact with the children more like a loving aunt or a counsellor. That will usually minimise the pressure everyone feels to create an intimate mother-child bond. Make mutual respect the primary goal and the loving relationship you are hoping for will have a chance to develop more naturally. Meanwhile, you and your husband can smooth the path by working as a united team. Discuss and set household guidelines together and model respect towards every member of the blended family equally. Q: How do I deal with a chronically late spouse? He is late for everything except work. That makes me late, too, especially when we are going somewhere together. It reflects poorly on me and I think it is disrespectful to others. Focus on the Family Malaysia: To some extent,

Focus on the Family Malaysia: Being a stepmother may be one of the toughest jobs a woman can have. It can take a long time for children to adjust to a new stepparent, no matter why the previous marriage ended. In the meantime, home life can be pretty uncomfortable. But your relationship with your stepchildren can thrive if you make respect your primary goal. Stepmothers often respond to tension by trying even harder to create a loving mother child relationship. That is understandable but it usually does not work. If your stepchild feels pressured to love you as much as their biological mother, it will drive them further away. That is not a relationship they are ready for. Authors Kathi Lipp and Carol Boley, who have both walked this challenging road, suggest

You need to begin with an honest conversation with your husband. Compare and contrast your personal definitions of the phrase “on time”. Remember to use “I-based” language as much as possible. Instead of blaming and accusing, say something like, “Here is what I’m aiming for when I think in terms of getting somewhere within a reasonable time frame. And this is how I feel when we are late. Can you see where I’m coming from? What do you think we should do about it?” If you determine that your spouse’s chronic lateness is connected to irresponsibility, passive-aggressive behaviour or a conscious intent to offend, then some accountability may be justified. But if it is simply part of his personality, you may need to exercise grace. Remember, different people approach life differently. Some are highly organised, while

Reflections on 68 years of Merdeka IT is hard to believe that 68 years have passed since our nation first stood free on that historic day, Aug 31, 1957. sometimes lost in the noise of politics, social challenges, external influences, rapid technological advancement and artificial intelligence.

LETTERS letters@thesundaily.com

On every Merdeka anniversary, I can’t help but reflect not only on the major milestones of our nation’s progress but also on the small moments of my own life that have been woven into that larger story. I still remember being present at Stadium Merdeka on that momentous day. My memories take me back to my childhood in Kuala Lumpur – my friends and my school days at Pasar Road English School, followed by Victoria Institution and later Sultan Abu Bakar School in Kuantan. Life then took me far from home, as I spent seven years in the UK completing my architectural training. When I returned to Malaysia, I fulfilled my contract with UDA and went on to practise architecture for over five decades. Along the way, I contributed to professional development, education and the promotion of national heritage awareness. Those years gave me more than just a career; they taught me countless lessons about what it truly means to belong here, in this diverse and beloved land we call home. Of course, life here has always been a mix of the good, the not-so good, the bad and sometimes even the “ugly”. There are moments that make us proud and inspired, and others that challenge and test us. We did not choose where we were born – that was Allah ’s will. And yet, we were all placed here in Malaysia, among people of different races, cultures and faiths. Over time, we have learned to live together, to prosper, to respect one another and to grow side by side. Looking back, I cannot help but smile at the subtle and radical changes over the years. People often say, “ dulu lain, sekarang lain ”. Things and human values were different then. Some values have grown stronger, others have faded,

Yet, at the heart of it all, we must continue to preserve the uniquely Malaysian qualities that define us, values that are worth holding on to for the sake of our identity and our shared sense of belonging. I have always believed that we owe much to those who came before us – our predecessors, grandparents, parents and all who fought, sacrificed and even gave their lives for our independence. They are the real heroes. Without them, we would not have the freedom of self-determination that we sometimes take for granted today. There are also small, sweet memories that still make me chuckle – like the time my Chinese neighbours’ children and I were caned by my father after we played in the river, only to be supported by their father, who suggested to “cane them more!”. Another fond memory is of visiting a close Chinese friend’s house, where his mother fried a piece of fish and served it with a bowl of rice just for me, knowing that the main dish contained pork. That quiet gesture of respect is a classic example of positive co existence, mutual respect and security that defined the Malaysia I grew up in. In conclusion, I urge all Malaysians to incorporate and cherish the simple human values of dignity, pride and a strong sense of identity and loyalty. Let us continue to contribute positively to nation-building. InshaAllah, with unity and commitment, Malaysia can look forward to greater blessings, meaningful achievements and a brighter future because only true Malaysians can make that vision a reality. Datuk Dr Hajeedar Abdul Majid

Bullying is often associated with physical violence, yet some of its most damaging forms leave no marks on the body. – AMIRUL SYAFIQ/THESUN

Silent bullying just as harmful IN light of recent developments and growing concerns about bullying in Malaysia, we must learn to recognise the signs of harm that are not immediately visible.

overwhelming. Their voices grow quieter, their spirits diminish and in the most tragic situations they may resort to self-harm or even take their own lives. This is why early recognition and timely intervention are essential. Parents, teachers and peers each play a vital role in breaking the cycle. We must also reflect on our own children’s behaviour to ensure they are not engaging in silent bullying. Many may not realise the weight their words or actions carry. By fostering empathy, respect and kindness from an early age, we can reduce the risk of such harm taking root. Bullying in any form is unacceptable and protecting children from visible and invisible harm must remain a shared responsibility. Ivone Low Yi Wen Chairperson Beliawanis MCA

or way of speaking, framed as harmless teasing. It may also occur through non verbal cues used to establish dominance, such as intimidating stares, dismissive gestures or deliberate ignoring, all intended to make another person feel powerless without crossing lines that would invite punishment. Over time, such acts can chip away at a person’s self-esteem, sense of belonging and emotional well-being. The harm caused by silent bullying is often harder to detect because it affects the heart and mind of the victim. It may surface as anxiety, withdrawal from social activities, declining school performance or a loss of interest in hobbies they once enjoyed. Left unchecked, it can gradually weaken a young person’s confidence and leave lasting emotional scars. For some, the strain can become

Bullying is often associated with physical violence, yet some of its most damaging forms leave no marks on the body. Non-physical bullying, often referred to as silent bullying, can be equally cruel and destructive. It hides in plain sight, disguised as a joke, a whisper or a subtle gesture but its effects can endure far longer than any bruise. Silent bullying may take the form of deliberate exclusion, where a group decides who is deemed worthy of friendship and who is not. It can be the spreading of gossip or rumours that slowly erode a person’s reputation. It can also be the mocking of someone’s appearance, background