01/03/2026

ON SUNDAY March 1, 2026 theSunday Special IV

D̆ HFWLRQ UHPDLQ FXOWXUDOO\ VHQVLWLYH DQG many couples may avoid open emotional conversations because of traditional ex pectations or stigma, it becomes even easier to slip into that quiet emotional drift. Research on Malaysian couples has noted that concerns about intimacy, sometimes linked to conservative social norms, make open communication and HPRWLRQDO YXOQHUDELOLW\ PRUH GL̇ FXOW As the psychologist and philosopher Erich Fromm argued in his book The Art of Loving , love is not a passive state but something that must be practised with “humility, courage, faith and discipline”. To support this, Foo highlighted that when everyday pressures become over whelming, it is the small acts of being present - asking, listening and sharing - that keep love alive. 2. Recurring irritations In the Malaysian context, where living spaces may be compact and traditional JHQGHU UROHV RIWHQ LQÀXHQFH KRXVHKROG dynamics, tensions can build over seem ingly trivial matters: Who does the dishes, why one checks the phone during dinner and why some chores are repeatedly left undone. These irritations may seem minor, but over time, they become a pattern. Foo’s emphasis on “communication breakdown” as the leading reason for separation suggests that many couples never bridge the gap between irritation and honest expression. When small criti cisms accumulate, sentences like “you’re always on your phone, you never help, you don’t care” can chip away at mutual UHVSHFW DQG D̆ HFWLRQ The underlying need is often not for perfection but for recognition, apprecia WLRQ DQG D VHQVH WKDW HDFK SDUWQHU¶V H̆ RUWV matter.

The four biggest relationship killers How silent struggles and small resentments can wreck a relationship and what to do about it

Silence leaves the partner stranded in uncertainty.”

1. Emotional distancing It is no secret that modern life in Malaysia is fast, demanding and RIWHQ H[KDXVWLQJ :RUN WUḊ F jams, long commutes, shifts and ¿QDQFLDO SUHVVXUHV $OO RI WKHVH can leave couples physically close but emotionally worlds apart. “When you start to find yourself dreading moments together or preferring silence over conversation, that’s an early sign that something needs to be addressed,” said Faith Foo, founder of Faith Foo Counselling, which focuses on family and children’s therapy in Petaling Jaya. She added that emotional distancing often starts subtly. “One day, you notice you no longer wake up with excitement to share the simplest detail of your day. The next time you don’t. The silence grows.” In a society like ours, where public displays of

I N Malaysia, the idea of marriage remains central to many people’s hopes for the future, but the land scape of love and union is changing. And it needs to be strictly discussed. According to the Department of Statis tics Malaysia, the number of divorces rose by 43.1% in 2022 compared with 2021. Though 2023 saw a slight dip with 57,835 divorces compared with 62,890 the previous year, the overall numbers remain high and the trends raise an important question: What’s happening EHKLQG WKH Ṙ FLDO ¿JXUHV" A 2022 study by the advocacy group Sisters in Islam found that communica tion breakdown was the most cited cause of marital separation, accounting for 25% of cases, overtaking even domestic violence. These numbers reveal something fa miliar: Love alone is not always enough. Often, the relationship killers are quiet. Below are four of the most common patterns and how they play out in the Malaysian context. BY AQILAH NAJWA JAMALUDDIN

Foo

According to Foo, such words often reveal the emotion beneath the surface. Many discover that behind anger lie fear or sadness and naming those primary emotions often helps GHIXVH FRQÀLFWV DW WKHLU URRW “Instead of beating around the bush, it is better to lay down what you truly feel from the beginning,” said Foo. “Honesty is the gateway to genuine intimacy, where souls meet and hearts intertwine.” With years of experience aiding couples and families, Foo said she has seen partners who barely spoke ZLWKRXW ¿JKWLQJ OHDUQ WR FUHDWH D genuine “safe haven” where each can reach out and be heard. They move from blaming to describ ing needs, using communication techniques learned in therapy sessions.