25/01/2026

ON SUNDAY January 25, 2026 theSunday Special IV

When uncontrollable intrusive thoughts and compulsive rituals step into a relationship, affection becomes a quiet battleground of anxiety The cost of OCD in intimacy

The erosion of trust “People with OCD are unable to control the obsessive thoughts or compulsive EHKDYLRXUV HYHQ WKRXJK WKH\ NQRZ WKHVH are excessive or unreasonable,” said Dr Sa sitharan Moorthi, consultant psychiatrist and addiction specialist at ReLife Mental Health Clinic. T KDW VHOI DZDUHQHVV ± NQRZLQJ VRPH thing is irrational yet being powerless to resist is one of OCD’s cruellest paradoxes. Experts describe it as living with a mind that constantly sounds false alarms, insist ing that something is wrong even when reason says otherwise. R HSHDWLQJ TXHVWLRQV OLNH ³$UH \RX VXUH WKH GRRU¶V ORFNHG"´ ³'LG , ZDVK P\ KDQGV properly?” “Are you certain nothing bad ZLOO KDSSHQ"´ R̆ HUV RQO\ D ÀHHWLQJ VHQVH of control before the anxiety resets. The resulting anxiety is so intense that SHUIRUPLQJ WKH FRPSXOVLRQ IHHOV OLNH WKH RQO\ ZD\ WR PDNH LW VWRS )RU PDQ\ FRXSOHV WKH ¿UVW FUDFNV DSSHDU WKURXJK UHDVVXUDQFH VHHNLQJ “Reassurance becomes addictive. 7KH PRUH D SHUVRQ VHHNV LW WKH PRUH dependent they become on their partner’s response,” Moorthi said. Over time, this dynamic wears thin. The partner without OCD may feel mistrusted or emotionally drained, while the one with OCD feels guilty for being too much. What begins as love and patience can turn into frustration and doubt. In Malaysia, where relationships often FDUU\ XQVSRNHQ H[SHFWDWLRQV RI KDUPRQ\ such struggles are rarely discussed. Many couples endure them quietly, fearing judg ment or shame, until the tension becomes invisible but ever-present.

BY AQILAH NAJWA JAMALUDDIN

L OVE often reveals our best and worst selves. It invites closeness, vulnerability and sometimes fear. Yet when obsessive-com pulsive disorder (OCD) enters a relationship, love becomes a daily negotia tion – not just with your partner but with your own mind. A W ¿UVW LW PD\ ORRN KDUPOHVV $ SDUWQHU GRXEOH FKHFNV WKH ORFN FOHDQV WKH NLWFKHQ twice and arranges things just so. But what VHHPV OLNH KDUPOHVV SHUIHFWLRQLVP FDQ quietly evolve into an exhausting cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsive rituals. For many couples in Malaysia, where mental health conversations still unfold behind closed doors, this struggle often hides beneath politeness and silence. OCD is not about colour coordinating \RXU RXW¿W RU DUUDQJLQJ \RXU ERRNVKHOI E\ hue. It runs far deeper than preference or perfectionism. O &' LV D SV\FKLDWULF FRQGLWLRQ PDUNHG by obsessions – intrusive, distressing thoughts or urges and compulsions, the repetitive behaviours performed to ease the anxiety those thoughts create. The UHOLHI LV ÀHHWLQJ 7KH DQ[LHW\ VRRQ UHWXUQV and the cycle begins again, quietly eroding peace, intimacy and trust. In Malaysia, it is reported that OCD D̆ HFWV DURXQG WR RI WKH SRSXODWLRQ including children and teenagers. Its core features are universal: Enduring anxiety, intrusive thoughts and rituals that intrude upon the rhythm of ordinary life. So what happens when OCD steps into love’s domain?

People with OCD are often very loving, but the disorder hijacks their attention.”

When intimacy feels unsafe L RYH LV PHDQW WR IHHO OLNH UHIXJH \HW IRU those living with OCD, closeness can sometimes trigger unease. The disorder thrives on uncertainty – a fear that a stray WKRXJKW PLJKW FDXVH KDUP WKDW D̆ HFWLRQ might somehow feel wrong, that loss of control could follow a single touch. T KHVH IHDUV DUH QRW D ODFN RI GHVLUH RU love. They appear precisely because the person cares deeply. OCD targets what matters most: The people and bonds we YDOXH $V D UHVXOW LQWLPDF\ FDQ IHHO OLNH ZDONLQJ WKURXJK IRJ Some withdraw physically, anxious about contamination or guilt, while others UHWUHDW HPRWLRQDOO\ WHUUL¿HG RI WKRXJKWV that arrive uninvited. When doubts begin to spiral, an endless stream of what ifs follows: What if I don’t love them enough? What if something bad happens because of me? These thoughts create distance, HYHQ ZKHQ D̆ HFWLRQ UHPDLQV

Anxiety can quietly reshape intimacy, turning everyday closeness into a source of fear.