25/01/2026

ON SUNDAY January 25, 2026 theSunday Special V

For partners, this can be confusing. Hesitation may look like rejection, silence OLNH LQGL̆ HUHQFH *UDGXDOO\ VSRQWDQHLW\ fades. Dates are cancelled, touch becomes cautious and love starts to feel like a series of careful calculations. Yet beneath the fear lies longing, the wish to connect without anxiety’s interfer ence. When couples begin to recognise these patterns as symptoms rather than ÀDZV LQWLPDF\ VORZO\ EHFRPHV VDIH DJDLQ rebuilt on understanding rather than certainty. Rituals and control Compulsions are the hallmark of OCD – repeated actions or mental rituals that promise relief but demand repetition. Within relationships, they can shape entire routines. Some partners spend hours cleaning, checking or ordering objects until it feels “right”. Others avoid leaving the house until they are certain every switch is R̆ 7R RXWVLGHUV WKHVH EHKDYLRXUV PD\ seem harmless or even admirable, but for couples living through them, they consume time, patience and energy. “In OCD, rituals are a way to neutralise fear. But they are exhausting. Over time, they consume not only the individual’s day but the couple’s shared life,” Moorthi said. When one partner’s coping mechanism EHFRPHV DQRWKHU¶V EXUGHQ FRQÀLFW LQHYL WDEO\ IROORZV 7KH QRQ 2&' SDUWQHU PLJKW try to accommodate by joining the rituals or avoiding triggers, but this often turns LQWR HQDEOLQJ 7KH UHODWLRQVKLS EHFRPHV GLFWDWHG E\ DQ[LHW\ QRW D̆ HFWLRQ Compulsions can also quietly rewrite emotional boundaries. What begins as cooperation – a small reassurance or shared task – can evolve into dependence, where one person’s calm becomes tied to the other’s compliance. Over time, love shifts

resisting the urge to constantly reassure, can disrupt the cycle of dependency. Moorthi believes that awareness is as vital as treatment. “When couples face OCD together, they RIWHQ HPHUJH VWURQJHU 7KH MRXUQH\ LV demanding, but it teaches understanding, patience and acceptance are the qualities that deepen love,” he stressed. Ultimately, OCD changes how relation ships function, but not how love feels. When couples learn to navigate their patterns with compassion, what once felt overwhelming becomes manageable, even meaningful. Love, in its truest form, endures not because it is perfect, but because it is patient enough to stay.

Understanding OCD beyond stereotypes

Professional support can help couples rebuild trust and emotional balance.

ship satisfaction and higher stress. Lo cally, psychiatrists observe similar trends. Without treatment, OCD may lead to social withdrawal, reduced intimacy and emotional disconnection. “People with OCD are often very loving, but the disorder hijacks their attention. 7KH\ ZDQW WR EH SUHVHQW IRU WKHLU SDUWQHU yet anxiety takes over,” Moorthi added. It often begins in subtle ways: A partner checking their messages repeatedly to ensure they haven’t said something wrong or apologising excessively after harmless remarks. Some may avoid intimacy for fear of contamination, while others replay conversations in their mind, analysing every word for mistakes. But over time, what begins as reassur ance turns into ritual. And what starts as love slowly becomes emotional labour – heavy, consuming and quietly exhausting. 7 he illness, uninvited, becomes the third presence in the relationship, silent but ever watching, shaping every decision, every touch, every conversation. Reclaiming balance Understanding OCD is the first step towards reclaiming equilibrium in a re ODWLRQVKLS 7KH GLVRUGHU D̆ HFWV KRZ ORYH is expressed, how reassurance is given and KRZ VDIHW\ LV GH¿QHG EXW LW GRHV QRW HUDVH the possibility of connection. 7 reatment and therapy, especially &RJQLWLYH %HKDYLRXUDO 7KHUDS\ DQG ([ - posure and Response Prevention, allow individuals to challenge intrusive thoughts and reduce compulsive behaviours. As anxiety eases, couples can begin to rebuild communication and trust. For partners, empathy matters as much as boundaries. Recognising that OCD is not a choice helps replace frustration with patience. Simple changes, such as

GHIHFWLYH UDWKHU WKDQ VXSSRUWHG 7KDW is why awareness becomes essential. Not only for the one experiencing OCD but for those around them. Recognising the behaviour as a symptom rather than a choice transforms the way couples respond to it. “Education is crucial. Partners and families must learn that compulsions are symptoms, not stubbornness.” Moorthi Loving someone with OCD can be both WHQGHU DQG GUDLQLQJ 7KRVH EDWWOLQJ WKH disorder often feel caught between want LQJ WR VWRS DQG EHLQJ XQDEOH WR *XLOW becomes their constant companion – guilt for causing worry, for not controlling the rituals, for feeling broken. shared his observation. The emotional cost

OCD is often mistaken for tidiness or personality quirks, but its roots run deeper than preference or routine. Here’s how to recognise when a be haviour might signal something more. 1. It’s not about liking things neat Enjoying order or symmetry can be a personality trait. Feeling compelled to arrange something perfectly because something terrible might happen if you don’t, that’s compulsion. 2. Anxiety drives it, not pleasure Habits usually feel comforting or satisfying. OCD rituals are performed to quiet unbearable anxiety and the relief never lasts long. 3. Logic doesn’t help Even when someone with OCD knows their fear is irrational, they cannot stop the thought or the behaviour. Their brain sounds false alarms that reason alone cannot silence. 4. Time disappears When rituals or reassurance-seeking consume hours each day or disrupt work, rest or relationships, it’s more than a habit. 5. Guilt and shame follow People with OCD often feel deep guilt for their thoughts or rituals, believing they are burdensome or strange. A simple habit does not carry that emotional weight. 6. Stress makes it louder Periods of change, such as new jobs, marriage and parenthood, can magnify obsessions and compulsions. Habits might bend under pressure, but OCD often intensifies. If these patterns sound familiar, it might be time to seek professional support. OCD is not a flaw in character or will power: It is a treatable condition and understanding it is the first step towards healing together.

“Many patients tell me they feel they disappoint their SDUWQHU HYHU\ GD\ 7KH\ see how tired their part ner is and that guilt feeds their anxiety,” Moorthi said. For the partner without OCD, com passion can qui etly transform into H[KDXVWLRQ 7KH\ become vigilant for signs of distress, careful with words and cautious not to trigger anxiety. When the emotional labour becomes unspoken, resentment begins to grow. Research shows couples affected by OCD often report lower relation

from mutual connection to maintenance, sustained by routines rather than FKRLFH 7KH KRXVH PLJKW be spotless, yet the at mosphere feels heavy. 7 he challenge lies in visibility. Because compulsions are often performed privately, partners may not recog nise them as symptoms of distress. What looks like control is, in truth, an attempt to manage fear. Without that under standing, frustration can harden into criticism, leaving the person with OCD f ee l i ng

Reassurance becomes addictive. The more a person seeks it, the more dependent they become on their partner’s response.”

Moorthi