23/11/2025

ON SUNDAY November 23, 2025 II theSunday Special

Being “nice” often wins approval, but when it becomes your default identity, you risk losing touch with your real feelings and your right to say no The trap of being the nice one BY SIMON VELLA

Agreeable at all costs … when keeping peace means losing yourself.”

Y OU’RE nice. That’s your thing. You say yes even when you mean maybe. You agree to maintain the peace, smooth over awkward silences and reply with a few emojis just to reassure others that you’re not upset. Y RX LQVWLQFWLYHO\ DYRLG FRQÀLFW SUH ferring to absorb tension rather than contribute to it. You’ve been called “easy to work with”, “so understanding” and “such a good listener” and you probably are. But lately, it’s starting to feel like you’re shrinking into the margins of everyone else’s comfort. You’re nice, yes – but at what cost? Welcome to the trap of being the nice one. There’s nothing wrong with kindness. Kindness is intentional, generous and courageous. But niceness, as society often GH¿QHV LW LV VRPHWKLQJ HOVH HQWLUHO\ ,W¶V about being agreeable, low-maintenance and non-threatening. Over time, that kind of niceness can quietly evolve into emotional self-neglect.

Soft-spoken but unseen … chronic niceness often hides unmet needs.