26/09/2025

FRIDAY | SEPT 26, 2025

10

UNDER ONE ROOF

Helping your child deal with bullying Q : Our son just started at a new school, and we are concerned he may be getting bullied. What should we do? lingering fear, anxiety or distress. If your son has been bullied, our team of qualified counsellors is here to help. Visit our website to learn more.

Focus on the Family Malaysia: Bullying is a growing problem and, no thanks to technology, it is no longer confined to school grounds. It can happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere. First, don’t wait for your son to bring it up. If you sense something is wrong, ask directly if someone is bullying him at school. Some bullies will threaten to harm a child if they tell. Keeping the lines of communication open will reassure your son that he is not alone. Also, watch for non-verbal signs of bullying, such as wanting to stay home, frequently losing lunch money or other unexplained changes in behaviour. Second, take it seriously. It may take every ounce of courage for your son to admit he is being harassed. Younger children may not have the vocabulary to fully explain what is happening, so be attentive and don’t underestimate or dismiss the seriousness of the situation. Third, encourage him to stay close to friends whenever possible. Even having one trusted buddy nearby can help deter a bully. While peer support does not replace adult intervention, it can offer a vital emotional safety net and help rebuild your child’s sense of security and confidence. Finally, take action – discreetly. Your son may fear that if you make a fuss, it will make things worse, so approach the situation with sensitivity. Speak to teachers, school administrators, parents and family friends to ensure your son has the support and resources he needs to feel safe. If necessary, consider giving him a short break from school until the issue is properly addressed. We also recommend speaking to a counsellor, who can help him process any In boardrooms, classrooms and even family conversations, the pressure is often to have answers ready – to project confidence, to leave no space for doubt. We reward those who sound certain, even when certainty is little more than a polished guess. The hesitation, the pause, the quiet admission of not knowing are often seen as weaknesses to be hidden. But what if we have misunderstood the value of ignorance? I don’t mean ignorance in the sense of intentionally being “blind”, refusing to learn or shutting down what we do not want to see. I mean the honest, vulnerable admission that there are things we have not yet grasped. The kind of ignorance that, when acknowledged, can become the first step towards something profound. “I don’t know” is not the end of the road; it is the opening of one. I have written about the importance of asking the right questions and about the humbling truth that we will never understand everything. This is slightly different. This is about giving dignity to uncertainty itself. It is about recognising that the strength to admit what we do not know is, in many ways, the beginning of wisdom. Carl Sagan once said, “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be

Q: Is there a way to get my spouse to stop trying to “fix” my problems and simply listen? I just need to vent sometimes but whenever I start sharing how I feel, he jumps in with solutions. I am not looking for answers, just a listening ear. Focus on the Family Malaysia: Communicating your feelings and emotions effectively is a delicate art, especially in marriage. Regardless of gender, personality type or communication style, both partners sometimes just want to be heard without being offered solutions. When one spouse consistently responds with advice instead of listening, the relationship can start to feel emotionally unsafe. Over time, this can lead to shallow, unfulfilling conversations and a sense of disconnection. If your spouse tends to respond as a “problem solver” when you are simply venting, thinking out loud or expressing your feelings, try responding honestly and directly. You may say something like: “When I’m not able to finish my thoughts, I feel dismissed and unimportant. What I really need in this moment is for you to just listen.” Here are some key principles to keep in mind when discussing feelings with your spouse: 0 Be respectful and affirming when your spouse takes responsibility for their emotions and behaviour. 0 Understand that men and women have different communication styles. 0 Develop conflict resolution strategies before

Bullying is on the rise and it can happen to anyone, anywhere and anytime. – AMIRUL SYAFIQ/THESUN

diving into deeper emotional conversations. 0 Be intentional about adopting a nurturing tone in your discussions – one that supports and strengthens you both. 0 Commit to making your marriage as fulfilling and joyful as possible. All of this will lay the foundation for a safe and meaningful self-disclosure. What happens next is up to you and your spouse. If you need guidance navigating these conversations or strengthening your connection, our marriage programmes and counselling services are here

to support you in building deeper understanding and trust. This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

COMMENT by Dr Nahrizul Adib Kadri

Courage to admit ignorance is soil for growth THERE is a phrase many of us struggle to say out loud: “I don’t know.”

known”. That “something” can only be found when we leave space for it, when we admit the gap between what we know and what we do not. Curiosity needs room to breathe, and that room is carved out every time we confess our ignorance. Think about the times in your life when you learned the most deeply. Chances are, those moments didn’t start with certainty, they began with discomfort. With a question that did not have an easy answer or the moment you admitted, “I don’t know how to do this… yet.” That little word “yet” is very important; it transforms “I don’t know” from a dead end into a doorway. In our culture of fast takes, instant expertise and viral soundbites, we have become allergic to the pause. We see leaders fumbling for answers and call it weakness. We see students unsure of themselves and rush to fill the silence. Yet, there is quiet power in letting that pause stretch, in resisting the temptation to pretend. When we acknowledge ignorance, three things happen. First, we disarm arrogance. There is no need to pretend we have mastered what we have not. This humility builds trust. Nobody believes someone who claims to know everything. Most of us, however, can respect the person who says, “That’s not clear to me. Let’s find out together”.

Second, we invite collaboration. Admitting not knowing is an open door to others. It creates space for shared learning, multiple perspectives and growth that does not rely on one loud voice carrying the room. And thirdly, we allow ourselves to grow. Pretending we already know keeps us stagnant. Admitting we do not know positions us as learners, no matter our age or title. History gives us countless examples of this. The great scientists, philosophers and thinkers did not begin by claiming certainty; they began with doubt. Marie Curie, standing in her lab, did not know what radiation would reveal. Einstein, staring at the limits of Newton’s laws, admitted he did not know what accounted for Mercury’s wobble until he asked a new question. In Plato’s Apology , Socrates says: “For I was conscious that I knew practically nothing.” He often expressed the view that his wisdom was to know the limits of his own knowledge. This is not weakness; it is courage. Perhaps it is something we need more of in Malaysia. As a society, we often look to our leaders for instant answers. We expect policies to be rolled out without hesitation, reforms to be perfectly planned and visions to be flawlessly executed.

Yet, nation-building – like personal growth – is full of unknowns. To admit that we do not yet know all the solutions to national unity, climate change, inequality in education, corruption or governance is not admitting defeat; it is acknowledging reality, and in doing so, we leave space for new ways forward. What worries me more than “I don’t know” is the loud, unshakeable insistence of those who claim they already do. That kind of certainty leaves no room for dialogue, imagination or change. So, as this Merdeka season comes to an end and we reflect on how far we have come and how much we still have to learn as a nation, I invite you to cultivate the quiet courage of saying, “I don’t know”. Say it without shame, without fear. Say it as a declaration of curiosity, openness and readiness to learn because “I don’t know” is not weakness; it is soil. From it, understanding can grow. After all, somewhere, something incredible is waiting. Dr Nahrizul Adib Kadri is a professor of biomedical engineering at the Faculty of Engineering, and the principal of Ibnu Sina Residential College, Universiti Malaya. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

“Curiosity needs room to breathe, and that room is carved out every time we confess our ignorance. Think about the times in your life when you learned the most deeply. Chances are, those moments didn’t start with certainty, they

began with discomfort.