06/07/2025

ON SUNDAY JULY 6, 2025 theSunday Special XI

without conflict can start to build an emo tionally secure space for real connection. Alongside addressing root causes, therapy helps couples peel back layers of anger that often hide deeper emotions like fear, sadness or unmet needs. Naming those feelings opens the door to vulner ability. Conflict becomes something to navigate together, not a pattern to repeat. “They move away from blame – ‘You always …’ and towards vulnerability, saying things like ‘When you stayed late, I felt worried and missed you.’ We practise these small shifts in therapy, but they change everything.” When the noise settles, many couples rediscover each other in the quiet mo ments. “Some who thought they’d grown indif ferent start to reconnect through small rituals like sharing meals, chatting in the morning and find that affection and playfulness return,” Foo added. Divorce is not always the solution, especially when children are involved. The emotional fallout can extend far beyond the couple, affecting family structure, community dynamics and children’s emotional well-being. Foo has witnessed couples on the brink of separation find their way back through therapy. Every relationship is different, but one truth stands – therapy is one of the wisest decisions a couple can make. Bringing a professional into the conversation can help mend what felt impossible to fix on your own. For this to become normalised, Malay sia needs a cultural shift. Therapy should not be seen as a last resort or a source of embarrassment. It should be encouraged and made accessible. The government has a vital role in making marriage counselling more visible, approachable and accept able. “No relationship is beyond hope. The idea that it’s ‘too late’ is one of the biggest misconceptions about therapy. Malaysian couples need to begin viewing therapy as part of premarital preparation, especially in this generation. Counselling should be seen as an investment in your future marriage, not something to fear or avoid,” she stressed.

Governments and public institutions must help normalise therapy, especially for couples struggling in silence.

Data shows that married couples aged 35 to 39 face some of the most gut-wrenching challenges, from infidelity and financial strain to conflicting visions and family interference. Unsurprisingly, younger couples are more open to seeking help. This emerging demographic is less shackled by shame and more willing to grow through discomfort. However, a consistent pattern re mains – women are often more ready to seek help. They usually try to mend and rebuild, while men tend to shut down emotionally. Many older Malaysian men still cling to pride, seeing therapy as a sign of weakness threatening their reputation. This stigma must go, especially as divorce, infidelity and domestic conflict YOU’VE read the articles, listened to the podcasts, maybe even bookmarked a few therapists – but your partner still shuts down at the mention of therapy. Sound familiar? For many Malaysian couples, the desire to seek professional help is often one sided. One person feels ready to unpack the emotional baggage, while the other avoids it like a trip to the dentist. So, how do you encourage therapy without making it sound like blame? Start by changing the language. Rather than saying “We need help” or “You have issues”, try softer invitations like “I want us to understand each other better” or “Can we talk to someone so I don’t misunder stand you?” This shifts the focus from fixing flaws to building a connection. Timing also matters. Avoid bringing it up during or right after an argument. Instead, choose a calm moment when both of you are relaxed and open to listening.

become more visible. Daily headlines involving public figures make these issues harder to ignore. According to Foo, if you’re beginning to doubt your relationship, the first step is to tune in to the subtle signs we often dismiss. What seems like minor tension might be a signal of something deeper. Often it’s not the fights but the silence that reveals the most. One of the most evident signs is emo tional distance. When time together feels draining or silence replaces conversation, it’s more than just a rough patch – it’s a warning. The sooner it’s addressed, the greater the chance of healing. “Small criticisms like ‘You’re always on your phone’ might seem minor, but Sometimes, the word therapy itself is the barrier. If it triggers resistance, reframe it. Call it a “guided conversation” or “a space for us to learn more about each other”. Many couples are more willing once they realise it’s not a courtroom – it’s a place of safety and support. Highlight what therapy isn’t . It’s not about assigning blame or dredging up old fights. It’s about understanding patterns, communica tion styles and emotional needs. It’s a tool to grow, not a spotlight on what’s wrong. If your partner is still hesitant, suggest starting small. A single session. A low-stakes conversation. Or even a free webinar or a couple’s talk. Sometimes, all it takes is one positive experience to change their perception. Lastly, lead by example. If you’re already in individual therapy or open to self-work, share how it’s helped you – not in a preachy way, but in a personal, vulnerable one. When your partner sees growth without pressure, curiosity often follows.

over time they wear down respect and connection,” Foo explains. “If your partner starts withdrawing or giving the silent treatment, like walking away instead of working through issues, it can lead to deeper hurt and lasting resentment.” Foo also urged individuals to check in with themselves. “If you’ve started to wonder whether your partner truly understands or sup ports you, it could be a sign of buried frustration or unspoken anger. Therapy creates space for those feelings to surface and once acknowledged, they’re easier to work through with compassion,” she said. Therapy often signifies the moment couples begin to hear each other genu inely. Those who once struggled to speak

When one’s ready and the other’s not