08/06/2025

ON SUNDAY JUNE 8, 2025 theSunday Special XI

GRIEF has no script, especially when it’s for a pet. However, there are a few gentle ways Malaysians can navigate the journey, along with some important reminders about what truly helps. What helps (and why it matters) • Rituals matter: Whether it’s a simple prayer, a small garden burial or lighting a candle, rituals create space to honour what was lost. In many When grief comes on four legs too

Malaysian homes, especially those with limited burial space, families are beginning to personalise farewells – writing notes, creating photo books or even planting a tree in memory. • Talking helps: Sharing memories with a trusted friend, siblingor vet can be surprisingly healing. Some pet owners in Malaysia have started informal support groups or online forums to talk about their loss, a way to feel seen without judgment. • Memorials can be healing: Small gestures like a collar hanging quietly by the door, a framed photo on the work desk or a name tag tucked into a drawer – offer continuity. They remind us that grief isn’t forgetting; it’s remembering with tenderness. • Taking time before a new pet: Grief needs breathing room. Jumping into new pet ownership too soon can create subconscious expectations or unfair comparisons. Each animal deserves their own clean slate, not the shadow of one who came before. What doesn’t help (and why it hurts) • “It’s just a pet” thinking: These offhand remarks “You can get another one”, “Be grateful it wasn’t a family member”, might come from a place of awkwardness, but they invalidate real pain. In truth, grief isn’t lessened by species. Love is love. • Rushing grief: Everyone heals at their own pace. Some people cry for days, others stay silent for months. There’s no clock to beat and no timeline to match. Let the process unfold slowly and naturally.

BY SIMON VELLA When the tail stops wagging

Children, especially, may be confused RU GHHSO\ D̆ HFWHG E\ WKH ORVV RI D SHW )RU PDQ\ LW¶V WKHLU ¿UVW HQFRXQWHU ZLWK death and how we guide them through that loss shapes how they’ll process grief later in life. Honouring their legacy One of the most powerful ways to heal is to channel grief into love. Some choose to: • Foster animals in honour of their lost pet. • Volunteer at a shelter, even once a month, to help other animals find comfort. • Adopt again when the heart feels ready, not to forget the previous pet, but to continue the cycle of love. There is also growing interest in legacy donations, where pet owners contribute to shelters or rescue groups in memory of their pets. It’s a beautiful way to turn pain into purpose. As pet ownership grows across Malay sia, so too must our willingness to talk DERXW SHW ORVV 9HWV FDQ SOD\ D SDUW R̆ HU ing compassionate farewells or follow-up support. Communities can hold space without judgment. Media, like this article, can validate feelings many have kept tucked away for too long. If nothing else, remember this: your grief is valid. It doesn’t need permission. You are not “too sensitive”. You simply loved deeply and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. They gave you everything – their trust, their playfulness, their quiet companion VKLS ,Q WKHLU ¿QDO PRPHQWV WKH\ WRRN D piece of your heart with them. But if grief is the price of love, then maybe it’s a price worth paying – for a bond so pure, so unwavering, so real. n a

IF you have other pets in the home, don’t be surprised if they act differently. Some may go off food, become lethargic or linger near the belongings of their lost companion. Dogs may whimper or pace. Cats might retreat or vocalise more. It’s not dramatics – it’s mourning. Offer comfort in the way they un derstand: routine, calm energy, extra time together. They may not grasp the concept of death as we do, but they feel absence. They feel change. And they too, need time to adjust. In grief, humans and animals often mirror each other. So be kind. Be still. When the tail stops wagging, let the heart keep beating with memory. And yes, pets grieve too

When that anchor disappears, the sense of loss can feel disproportionate to what society expects. But there is no “right” amount of grief. The pain is real because the bond was real. In Malaysia, the cultural acknowledge ment of pet loss remains limited. While some pet owners choose to bury their pets in private gardens, this option is not feasible for many, especially those living in urban areas or high-rise build ings. Although pet cemeteries are not widespread, there are dedicated services, such as Nirvana Pet Memorial Garden in 6HPHQ\LK 6HODQJRU WKDW R̆ HU EXULDO SORWV and cremation services. Additionally, cremation services are available through providers such as Pets in Peace, Piepie 3HW 0HPRULDO DQG $YDWDU $QJHOV R̆ HULQJ a variety of options, including private and communal cremations. However, awareness of these services is still growing and many pet owners may not be aware of their existence. Consequently, most people grieve privately, quietly, often without support. There’s also a lingering attitude among some that “it was just a cat” or “go buy another puppy”. This dismissiveness adds JXLOW DQG LVRODWLRQ WR DQ DOUHDG\ GL̇ FXOW experience. The truth is, replacing a pet isn’t like replacing a phone. Every animal has a personality, a soul. You’re not just mourning the presence, but the rituals, the quirks, the little dramas you shared daily. Grief shows up in many forms – sad ness, withdrawal, anger, even guilt. Some people can’t enter the room where the pet slept. Others keep everything exactly as it was. Some dream about their pets months or years after they’re gone.

Understanding and validating pet grief in Malaysia’s cultural and social context T HE house feels too quiet. The fa vourite blanket lies untouched. You still instinctively reach for the leash, the food bowl, the doorbell bark that never comes. When a beloved pet dies, it leaves behind more than fur on the couch – it leaves a silence so profound, only those who have loved an animal can truly understand it. In a society that celebrates human milestones – weddings, births, promo tions – we’re still awkward when it comes to loss, especially the kind that doesn’t involve a human being. But if you’ve ever sobbed into the fur of a dying dog or felt your chest cave when your cat didn’t come home, you know: grief is grief. And when it’s for a pet, it’s no less real. Why does it hurt so deeply? Pets aren’t just animals. They’re constants in our chaotic lives – silent witnesses to our routines, our breakdowns, our joy. They never judge. They don’t bring baggage. Their loyalty is unconditional, their presence calming. For many Malaysians, pets are surro JDWH FKLOGUHQ FRQ¿GDQWHV RU FRPSDQLRQV for older people. In urban settings, where families may be far away and social lives are limited, a pet can be the emotional anchor that keeps someone grounded.