21/08/2026

FRIDAY | AUG 21, 2026

10

UNDER ONE ROOF

Marriage paradox: Finding balance Q : My wife and I have been married for a little over two years, and we are struggling to balance our differences. We want to work as a team but I Q: My son has just started secondary school, and he is being exposed to all sorts of new music through his friends and peers. I have looked up some of the artists he has mentioned and was shocked by their lyrics. What can we do?

think we are afraid of losing our individual identity in the process. How can we find a happy medium? Focus on the Family Malaysia: There is no doubt about it – marriage is a paradox. Consider this: For a relationship to be successful, couples have to give up some of their independence. At the same time, they need the freedom to thrive as individuals. A good marriage requires the active involvement of both partners. You may have all the talent needed to succeed in your career, but marriage is different. Unless you and your spouse work together, your relationship is likely to flounder. When two people let go of some personal ambitions for the sake of their relationship, their bond can grow stronger. But that is only one side of the coin. The more connected you and your spouse become, the more important it is to continue growing as individuals. Why? Because a healthy marriage is built on two unique people who can also stand on their own. Entering marriage doesn’t mean you stop being who you are. Quite the opposite: you bring your whole self into the relationship, so it is important to become the best version of yourself. In fact, it is those differences that can make a good marriage truly great. So, should marriage bring you and your spouse together as one, or should you remain strong individuals? The answer is “yes” to both. That is the paradox of marriage. When I stepped out of the hotel, a thought suddenly crossed my mind: “Eh, am I in Southall or KL?” The hotel staff came from various South Asian backgrounds. At the petrol station, the worker was Bangladeshi. My Uber driver was from Pakistan. At the grocery shop, I was served by a Punjabi woman. I did not see very many people whom I would consider to be local residents. It reminded me of the London I knew in the 1980s – but at the same time, it made me reflect on just how much a city can change over several decades. I remember once seeing a shop with a “Vacancy” sign written in Gujarati. I asked the shop owner why. He smiled and said something along these lines: “ Many local people don’t want to work long hours here. Come back in a few years and London will look very different.” Forty years later, I find myself wondering – perhaps there is a lesson from London’s experience for Malaysia. Are we witnessing the beginning of the same story? Malaysia already depends heavily on foreign workers in several important sectors. Construction, plantations, manufacturing, cleaning, restaurants, logistics, car washes, wholesale markets, delivery services and many other businesses rely on workers from Indonesia, Bangladesh, Nepal, Myanmar and other countries. They perform work that is essential to our economy and, in many cases, work that is difficult to fill with local workers. Then there is something else that may happen – workers begin settling in particular areas. Businesses serving their communities start to appear. Social connections and

Focus on the Family Malaysia: First, let us commend you for not dismissing your concerns as simply part of your child growing up. Studies have consistently shown that lyrical messages can influence young people. As for the way forward, consider calling a family meeting. The aim should be to establish clear guidelines around entertainment and what is appropriate for your son. Many parents don’t feel the need to verbally articulate boundaries on what is acceptable and what is off-limits. But modelling appropriate behaviour alone is not enough. One family took this a step further by putting their boundaries in writing. Every family member signed the agreement and a copy was displayed in a visible place at home. It won’t take long to draw up your own “family media rules”. The main purpose is to establish clear guidelines so there are no misunderstandings going forward. You may want to begin with: “Knowing the power of the media to influence our thoughts, behaviours and actions, we as a family commit to consuming movies, content, videogames and music that are inspiring, encouraging and uplifting.” Once your family standard has been agreed upon and everyone understands the boundaries, you may need to delete or remove media that does not comply with the rules. Expect some resistance. It may be tough, There is not necessarily anything wrong with a community becoming more diverse. The question is whether we plan and manage that change properly or simply allow it to happen without thinking about the long-term consequences. The part we need to manage We also need to distinguish between legal foreign workers and those who enter or remain in Malaysia outside the established system. Illegal recruitment networks and syndicates can exploit workers who pay large sums of money to agents. At the same time, employers who deliberately hire undocumented workers can gain an unfair cost advantage. This creates problems for everyone. It makes enforcement more difficult, disadvantages employers who follow the rules, can leave workers vulnerable to exploitation and makes it harder for the government to plan infrastructure, housing and public services accurately. The solution is not to blame the workers. The solution is to build a better and more organised system. The benefits: The work gets done. Sectors such as palm oil plantations, construction, manufacturing, cleaning, hospitality and others require labour. Prices can remain more manageable. The availability of labour also affects the cost of food, services, construction and many everyday necessities. The economy keeps moving. Many businesses in Malaysia today depend on foreign workers to keep their operations

A good marriage takes the active involvement of two people – the husband and the wife. – AI GENERATED PIC

Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

but stand firm on your family’s values while keeping the conversation with your child open. This will help you understand your children’s interests and gauge how committed they are to following the family standard. This article is contributed by Focus on the

LETTERS letters@thesundaily.com

From Heathrow to Petaling Jaya: A 40-year warning? TWO months ago, I stayed at an Ibis hotel near Heathrow, London. community networks develop. Over time, some neighbourhoods naturally begin to take on a different character and atmosphere. running. The challenges: Communities can become concentrated.

should understand the rules before coming – how long they can work, what their rights are and what happens when their employment period ends. 0 Eliminate the syndicates: Those who often profit the most from illegal migration are the middlemen and agents who take advantage of both workers and employers. In short: Identify what we genuinely need. Protect fair wages and working conditions. Invest in productivity. Manage migration properly. And most importantly, treat the workers who come to our country with dignity and respect. A personal reflection I am simply a grandfather who wants my grandchildren to grow up in a Malaysia that still feels like Malaysia. But I also want them to grow up in a Malaysia that is fair, prosperous, open and respectful of everyone who contributes to this country. London may not have planned every aspect of how its communities would develop. Perhaps Malaysia still has an opportunity to learn from that experience – not by copying London but by thinking further ahead. This is not about race or nationality. It is about planning, economics, integration, enforcement and the kind of country we want Malaysia to become over the next 20 or 40 years. So, what do you think? Are we worrying too early or are the signs already beginning to appear? I genuinely want to hear different perspectives. Dr Sajad Hussein Kamarally Former Journalist Bernama

When large numbers of people from the same background settle in particular areas, the identity and atmosphere of those areas can gradually change. Wages can come under pressure. If employers always have access to significantly cheaper labour, there may be less incentive to improve productivity, wages and working conditions. Illegal recruitment can grow. When demand is high but legal recruitment channels are perceived to be too complicated or expensive, syndicates and unscrupulous agents can take advantage. What is temporary can become permanent. Without clear rules governing recruitment, employment periods, family arrangements and the return of workers, temporary labour migration can create social and long-term planning challenges. We need a middle ground. I am not saying: “Don’t hire foreign workers.” Malaysia needs foreign workers, and many of them make important contributions to our country. But perhaps we need to manage the system better. 0 Fair levies: Employers should bear a reasonable share of the costs when they use foreign labour. 0 Encourage automation: If a job can eventually be done more productively through technology, we should invest in that technology rather than relying indefinitely on cheap labour. 0 Firm enforcement: Focus enforcement on illegal recruitment syndicates and employers who deliberately abuse the system. 0 Clear terms and pathways: Every worker