20/06/2026

SATURDAY | JUNE 20, 2026

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Exclusion is bullying too M Y daughter can’t tell me what happens at school. She can’t come home, throw her bag on the sofa and My son wandered over, stood beside her and quietly encouraged the others to let her join in again. There was no dramatic confrontation, no shouting match worthy of a parenting advert. He just reminded them that she was there. I was incredibly proud of him. But after the pride came something else: “We have become very good at complain that someone called her names, refused to sit with her or pushed her out of a game. She is non-verbal, so I piece

inflicting it are eight years old. What gives me hope is not only the law; it is my son. Nobody instructed him to step in. He wasn’t following school policy or worrying about legal consequences. He simply saw his little sister being left out and decided that wasn’t acceptable. If an 11-year-old can recognise that everyone deserves a place in the game, surely the adults responsible for shaping our schools and communities can recognise that too. I don’t expect my daughter’s world to become perfectly inclusive. I just hope she grows up in a Malaysia where being different is not treated as a reason to be ignored and where protecting children who cannot always speak for themselves is seen not as an act of charity but as a matter of basic decency. After all, every child deserves someone who notices when they have been left standing on the sidelines. Not every child is lucky enough to have a big brother who does. Hashini Kavishtri Kannan is the assistant news editor at theSun. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

tribunal and the legal mechanisms now being put in place. Professionally, I understand the policy. As a mother, I understand something else entirely. For families like mine, bullying isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always leave bruises or produce tearful complaints. Sometimes, it looks like a child quietly eating lunch alone because nobody invited her over. Sometimes, it looks like everyone running off while she stands frozen, unsure what happened. Sometimes, it looks like exclusion so subtle that adults barely notice it. And when your child cannot explain what she experienced, proving any of it becomes almost impossible. The new law won’t magically change playground behaviour overnight. Children will still be children. They will make mistakes, misunderstand differences and sometimes be unkind without realising the impact. Perhaps the rest of us can stop hiding behind the phrase “kids being kids”. Because repeated exclusion is still exclusion. Humiliation is still humiliation. Harm doesn’t become harmless simply because the people

expecting vulnerable children to

fear. Because if he hadn’’t been there, I would probably have not known. And that thought sits heavily with me every single day. I have lost count of the number of times people have brushed these situations aside with, “They are just kids” or “She needs to learn social skills”. Maybe she does. Perhaps the children doing the excluding need to learn something too. We have become very good at expecting vulnerable children to adapt to the world while asking very little of the world to adapt to them. That is why Malaysia’s new Anti Bullying Act struck a deeply personal chord with me. As a journalist, I have edited reports about the legislation, the P O I N T V I S H T R I

together her world through teachers, therapists, her brother and the little clues she leaves behind in her mood. As a parent, you learn to become part detective and part interpreter. A few weeks ago, after school, my son casually mentioned that he had helped his sister at the playground. To him, it wasn’t a big deal. A few children had decided she wasn’t playing “properly”, so they simply stopped including her. She doesn’t always understand the unwritten rules that seem so obvious to other children. Sometimes, she gets overexcited. Sometimes, she misses a cue or takes her turn at the wrong moment. But she still wants to belong. P O T T U B Y H A S H I

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adapt to the world while asking very little of the world to adapt to them.

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COMMENT by Dr Victor S.L.Tan

Fatherhood: A legacy of love, values and example

FATHER’S Day is a time to reflect on the responsibility, quiet sacrifices and deep fulfilment of being a father. Many fathers, especially in Asian cultures, see their primary role as providers – ensuring there is food on the table, a roof over their family’s heads, opportunities for their children and a sense of comfort and security for those they love. A father should do his utmost to provide his family with a good life. While financial success is not everything, it does offer a sense of security. When a family sees that the father is working hard, planning wisely and doing his best, it fosters confidence and peace at home. Conversely, when a father is overwhelmed by debt or constantly struggling financially, it can create fear, uncertainty and anxiety within the family. While providing for the family is important, a father must also be wise in how he does so. He should earn an honest living without compromising his values, health, family time or peace of mind. No amount of money is worth sacrificing one’s character, marriage, health or relationship with one’s children. A father who gains success in the world but loses the closeness of his family may one day realise that he is successful, yet lonely. I have come to appreciate the importance of balancing ambition with family. I am fortunate to have a loving and supportive family. As a consultant, trainer and author, there are always projects to complete, clients to serve, books to write and opportunities to pursue. It is easy to be driven by deadlines and responsibilities.

blindly, he should help each family member see the bigger picture and work towards understanding and reconciliation. A good father protects the unity of the family. He does not allow pride, anger, jealousy or misunderstanding to destroy family relationships. Instead, he teaches that preserving peace is more important than winning an argument. A father must also lead by example. He cannot expect his children to be disciplined if he is careless, ambitious if he lacks drive, hardworking if he gives up easily or compassionate if he is selfish. Children learn not only from what their father says but also from what he does. If a father wants his children to pursue excellence, he must show that same spirit and demonstrate a positive attitude. If he wants them to be resilient, he must show them how to rise again after setbacks. I have faced challenges, disappointments and physical pain. Even through my health journey, I was reminded that example speaks louder than advice. When children see their parents persevere and refuse to give up, they learn that life is not about avoiding difficulties but about overcoming them with faith, courage and determination. A father must also love his spouse sincerely and openly. This is one of the greatest gifts he can give to his children. The way he treats the mother of his children will shape their understanding of love, marriage and respect. Fatherhood is also about nurturing the family’s growth in every dimension – moral, spiritual, social, emotional and physical well-being. A

Yet, over the years, I have learned that the most meaningful achievements are not only measured in titles, fees, projects or recognition alone. They are also found in the simple joys of watching our children grow, sharing meals, having honest conversations, praying for our family and knowing that our presence brings comfort and reassurance to those we love. A father must also devote quality time to his spouse and children. As children grow, they need more than financial support; they need guidance, encouragement, affirmation and direction. They need a father who listens, advises, corrects with love and inspires them to pursue their dreams. A father’s words carry great influence. They can either build a child’s confidence or diminish their spirit. Sometimes, a father’s simple words can stay with a child for a lifetime. When he says, “I believe in you”, “You can do better”, “Do not give up” or “I am proud of you”, those words can become a lasting source of strength and confidence. Children may not always express it openly but deep down, they value their father’s approval, encouragement and blessing more than he may realise. Another important role of a father is to be a peacemaker within the family. No family is perfect. Differences, misunderstandings and occasional conflicts are inevitable between spouses, between parents and children and among siblings. In such moments, a father should not fuel the conflict. Instead, he should remain calm, fair and reassuring. Rather than taking sides

The joy of fatherhood comes from knowing that a father has given his best - not only in providing but also in nurturing and guiding his children. – PIC COURTESY OF KL STRATEGIC CHANGE CONSULTING GROUP

more patiently, forgive more readily, guide more wisely and live with greater purpose. A father’s greatest legacy is not merely the wealth he leaves behind but the love, values, faith, wisdom and example he plants in the hearts of his family. That is the true and lasting joy of fatherhood. Happy Father’s Day. DrVictor S.L.Tan is the CEO of KL Strategic Change Consulting Group. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

father should not only care about his children’s achievements and careers but also about the character and values they carry throughout life. The joy of fatherhood comes from knowing that a father has given his best – not only in providing but also in nurturing and guiding his children. It is seeing them grow into responsible, caring and purposeful adults. No father is perfect. We all have our weaknesses, regrets and moments when we could have done better. Yet, Father’s Day reminds us that it is never too late to love more deeply, listen