12/05/2026

TUESDAY | MAY 12, 2026

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Kesian ? No. Spectacular? Yes. A MANIFESTO – by someone who has watched single parents in action and is frankly exhausted just from A R I N A T E D M A K C I

on any official celebration list yet. One day. One beautiful, well-deserved day where Malaysians trade the “ kesian dia ” whispers for a GrabFood order sent to a single parent’s home or offer to watch the kids so the parent can sleep – just sleep. Uninterrupted, horizontal, no one-calling-their-name sleep. Is that too much to ask? For one day? The stereotypes are alive and in need of a stern talking-to “Single mother? Alaa , mesti ada salah dia jugak. ” Right. Because she should have stayed, tolerated the nonsense and smiled through the chaos – all for the sake of optics. So the children could grow up thinking love means shrinking yourself into someone unrecognisable? No, thank you. Sometimes, leaving is the most motherly thing a woman can do. Sometimes, walking out of the wrong door is exactly how you find the right life. “Single father? Wah, so brave!” Bless him. When a single dad packs a lunchbox, the internet collectively weeps and nominates him for a datukship. When a single mum does the exact same thing – plus braids the hair, signs three permission slips, argues with the school portal, makes sure the baju kurung is ironed AND remembers it is Hari Kantin – it is just called Tuesday. Both deserve credit; neither should have to fight for it. And can we retire “ kesian anak dia ” permanently? Please, I am begging. The child in question ate a hot meal, wore clean clothes, passed their exams and can recite their timetable without

prompting. That is not kesian ; that is a minor miracle produced by one exhausted, spectacular human being who went to bed at 2am and was back up at 6am because someone had a nightmare or diarrhoea – often both, in the same night, back to back, with no one to tap in. The child is not kesian ; the child is loved so loudly and completely that there is not a gap where the second parent used to be. There is only warmth, packed lunches and someone who shows up – every single time, without fail and without fanfare. What single parenting looks like It is budgeting so precisely that Bank Negara should genuinely be taking notes. Ringgit by ringgit, week by week, quietly doing mathematics in their head while standing in the grocery aisle deciding between a brand name and the store brand – and choosing the store brand without drama because that is just Tuesday. It is arriving at school Sports Day alone, armed with a fold-up chair, a packed lunch and absolutely zero backup, watching every other family arrive in matching outfits like they have coordinated a photoshoot – and still cheering the loudest when your child comes fourth in the 100m sprint. Fourth. And you clap like it is gold. Because it is. It is being the IT technician, the homework coach, the chauffeur, the chef, the emotional support system, the disciplinarian, the hype person, the permission-slip-signer and occasionally the human punching bag when

someone’s hormones decide to throw a dinner party at 9pm on a school night. It is being your own backup. Always. There is no “eh, you take this one”. There is no “go rest, I have got this”. There is no one to hand the baby to at 3am when everything is falling apart and you are running on fumes and pure spite. There is only you, getting it every single time, without applause or a long-service award or even a sincere “thank you, you are doing an extraordinary job”. So let makcik say it. Single dads doing school runs in last night’s shirt, googling “how to do space bun hairstyle” at 7am before drop-off – makcik salutes you. Single mums negotiating a pay rise in the morning and negotiating bedtime at night, in the same blazer, same tired eyes and same unshakeable determination – makcik salutes you too. Both of you, turning up heartbroken, broke, running on teh-o and borrowed time – makcik sees you. From a respectful distance, with full admiration, a warm meal she wishes she could send over and a fresh box of Kleenex she is already halfway through herself. You are not kesian ; you are extraordinary. And you deserve more than one day. But let’s start with one day. Happy Single Parent Day. You have earned it – you earned it yesterday and the day before and every unremarkable Tuesday when no one was watching. Azura Abas is the executive editor of theSun. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

THE significance of the Rukun Negara as a guiding framework for national ethics has never been more relevant than it is today, particularly in an era defined by rapid technological change and shifting social values. Introduced as the nation’s guiding philosophy, the Rukun Negara was designed to strengthen unity, foster stability and anchor shared values within Malaysia’s diverse society. Its formulation followed the events of May 13, 1969, a defining and sensitive chapter in the country’s history that underscored the urgent need for a common national foundation. Its five principles, long embedded in schools and civic life, were intended to nurture a shared moral foundation and national consciousness from an early age. Over time, they have helped shape Malaysia’s identity and sustain coexistence across ethnic and religious lines. Yet Malaysia today is not the Malaysia of decades past. Daily headlines point to violence, fraud, abuse and growing hostility in both digital and physical spaces. While these trends are often linked to economic pressures and rapid technological change, they also point to a deeper concern: the gradual erosion of a shared moral foundation. In this context, the Rukun Negara is more necessary than ever. Of its five principles, two stand out in addressing current ethical and behavioural challenges. The first is “Belief in God” witnessing it. Let us get one thing straight, shall we? Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are lovely. Truly. Very nice for those who get breakfast in bed and a glitter covered card. The ones who receive a crayon drawing of a lopsided sun and still manage to tear up because it is the most beautiful thing they have ever seen – and they have a partner standing next to them, squeezing their shoulder, sharing the moment. But what does a single parent get on such a day? Both parents’ jobs – one pair of hands and a WhatsApp message from the school asking why the permission slip has not been returned. (It is under a pile of laundry that has been “almost folded” since Tuesday – long enough, frankly, to have developed its own personality.) Last Sunday, while the world was drowning in roses and brunch reservations for mums everywhere, single parents were doing what they do every single Sunday – and every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday too: absolutely everything, simultaneously, with yesterday’s eyeliner still on because there was no time to take it off. Not because they forgot but because the morning had other plans. The morning always has other plans. This makcik is declaring “Single Parent Day”, and I do not care if it is not

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The child is not kesian; the child is loved so loudly and completely that there is not a gap where the second parent used to be.

Rukun Negara: Reclaiming Malaysia’s moral compass

COMMENT by Dr Lee J. Peter

( Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan ). Beyond religious identity, it speaks about personal moral responsibility. A strong ethical foundation helps society resist corruption, violence and exploitation. When belief is reduced to symbolism rather than practice, that sense of restraint weakens. Many instances of fraud and abuse reflect not only institutional gaps but also a lack of internalised accountability. The second is “Good Behaviour and Morality” ( Kesopanan dan Kesusilaan ). This is most evident in everyday conduct – how individuals engage with one another in both public and private spaces. Rising concerns over cyberbullying, domestic strain and increasingly confrontational behaviour suggest a weakening of respect and empathy. Courtesy, once taken for granted, now requires deliberate practice; without it, trust erodes and social cohesion begins to fray. While all five principles remain important, including the “Rule of Law” and “Loyalty to King and Country”, the former two are particularly critical in shaping the behaviours that underpin a stable society. If these values are weakening, the response must begin early, particularly among young Malaysians. Education should not be confined to academic achievement; it must also build character, ethical awareness and a sense of purpose.

The five principles, long embedded in schools and civic life, were intended to nurture a shared moral foundation and national consciousness from an early age. – ADIB RAWI YAHYA/THESUN

By supporting B40 communities, orphanages as well as animal welfare and environmental causes, these experiences can help cultivate leadership, empathy and a strong sense of civic responsibility among young adults. Ultimately, the principles of the Rukun Negara can be meaningfully internalised and reflected in everyday life. However, this requires sustained commitment, particularly through

One way forward lies in experiential, purpose-driven learning. When education is connected to real-world engagement, it helps young people develop direction alongside responsibility. Through workshops and projects, students can be guided to articulate their purpose, define their aspirations and translate them into clear and meaningful contributions to society.

education that integrates knowledge with character and civic responsibility. Only then can the values of the Rukun Negara be fully lived, shaping a more cohesive and resilient Malaysia. Dr Lee J. Peter is an assistant professor at Heriot-Watt University Malaysia. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com