07/04/2026

LYFE TUESDAY | APR 7, 2026

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Messy truth of parenting parenting

focus on the ecosystem within which the parenting is happening makes things harder for everyone.” Shared struggles across cultures Throughout her career, Schmitz has worked with families from many different cultural backgrounds. Despite the differences in language, customs and lifestyles, she has observed many parenting struggles remain remarkably similar. “We are all human, we all need a tribe and everyone is fighting some inner demon or another,” she said. One recurring challenge she notices among parents is how children can mirror behaviours adults recognise in themselves. “I have also discovered we all tend to struggle most when our kids copy characteristics or habits of ours that we hate the most.” For Schmitz, these moments often force parents to confront aspects of their own personalities and emotional patterns. Case for community Another lesson she believes modern families need to rediscover is the importance of community support. Historically, child rearing was shared among extended families and communities. Today, many parents attempt to manage the responsibility within a much smaller household. “Raising kids takes a kampung , and somehow we have told ourselves that two people or sometimes one is enough. No wonder parenting burnout is happening,” she said. In her view, the isolation many parents experience is not a personal failure but a structural problem. “We need a tribe. Raising children has never been something humans

However, becoming a parent herself reshaped how she understood the challenges families face. She believes modern parenting often comes with unrealistic expectations, particularly the idea that family life can be optimised through the right techniques or strategies. “I think the idea that one can ‘optimise’ things depends on a ton of other variables being in place already. Parents are sometimes unduly blamed, and forced to feel guilt within an infrastructure that is simply not

F OR years, Mel Schmitz worked with families as a developmental psychologist, guiding parents through the complexities of child development and family life. Yet when she became a parent herself, she realised professional training only explained part of the experience. “Despite the immense amount of book learning, professional training and empathy I had for them, I did not fully appreciate how difficult, at times lonely, being a parent can be. No books tell you about this. They also do not generally mention that parenting is a deep act of self-work and that there is a lot of personal baggage to be dealt with, preferably beforehand,” Schmitz told theSun . That realisation eventually inspired her first book I Fed My Kid to a Bird of Prey: Poems for Overwhelmed Parents , a collection that blends humour with honest reflections on the realities of raising children. When theory meets reality Schmitz, who was born in Petaling Jaya and now lives in Stuttgart, Germany, has spent nearly two decades working with families at an international school. Her professional background exposed her to a wide range of parenting experiences across cultures. o Psychologist turns to poetry, dispensing advice for child rearing Ű BY AMEEN HAZIZI

Schmitz draws from professional insight and lived experience in her work. – PICS COURTESY OF MEL SCHMITZ

she said. The short poetic format also reflects the realities of modern parenting. “I figured most parents do not have a lot of time, so I decided to write in digestible chunks that suit parent life.” Her poems explore a wide range of themes, including anxiety, self doubt, comparison and the everyday chaos of family life. Writing them also became a personal way of processing difficult moments. “There is something almost magical about the constraint of rhyme and rhythm that forces me to distil complex emotions down to their essence.” Lessons from children One of the central ideas running through Schmitz’s work is that parenting often becomes a process of self-discovery. Earlier in her career, she believed parents simply needed the right strategies and behavioural tools. “As a developmental psychologist, I once believed parents just needed the right tips, hacks and behavioural management tricks and they would be fine,” she said. Becoming a parent changed that perspective entirely. “My children became my most honest mirrors. They reflected not just my strengths, but every insecurity and every place where I still needed to grow.” Ultimately, Schmitz hopes her book reminds parents that the challenges they face are widely shared. “If just one parent reads these poems and thinks, ‘Oh thank goodness, I am not the only one who feels this way,’ then I have accomplished what I set out to do.” For her, parenting may be unpredictable and exhausting, but it also offers one of life’s most meaningful opportunities for growth, connection and understanding.

were meant to do alone.”

Why poetry Rather than writing a traditional parenting manual, Schmitz chose poetry as the format for her book. She believes poetry offers a way to communicate difficult truths about parenting in a more approachable form. “Many hard hitting truths come in rhyme shape, and are easier digested in a way prose just cannot ape,”

conducive to raising kids,” she said. Advice that ignores the broader circumstances families live in can sometimes make matters worse. “Parenting advice that does not The book frames everyday moments as reflections of deeper emotional states.

Parenting can expose the parts of yourself you thought you had figured out. – 123RFPIC