07/01/2026

WEDNESDAY | JAN 7, 2026

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Emotional distance linchpin for failed marriage: Academic

‘Rising divorces, low reconciliation exposing flaws in family law system’ PETALING JAYA: Fathers’ Rights Association of Malaysia (FRAM) president Malcolm Fernandez said soaring divorce rates and plunging reconciliation figures are exposing deep flaws in the family law system, leaving children caught in high-conflict separations. Fernandez, who is also managing partner of fathers-only law firm Malcolm Fernandez Advocates & Solicitors, said marital breakdown is rarely caused by a single factor. “Poor communication, stress, interference from in-laws and the involvement of third parties often combine to push couples apart.” He said with divorce now carrying far less social stigma, couples are increasingly unwilling to remain in marriages they see as irreparable. “Rising divorces alongside declining reconciliation figures point not to a lack of willingness among couples to try but to a system that fails to offer timely and effective support.” Asked whether divorce proceedings escalate conflicts, he said courts apply existing laws. He added that the deeper challenge is that Malaysia’s family legislation dates back to 1976, an era when family structures and parenting roles were very different. “Our laws were drafted in an era in which one parent was usually the primary caregiver, parenting roles were clearly divided and post-divorce co-parenting was not actively recognised.” He said many parents, including fathers, remain actively involved in their children’s lives after separation but the law has not kept pace. He also said terms such as “custody” frame parenting as a win-lose contest, pushing parents into adversarial positions early on, adding that by contrast, jurisdictions such as Australia and the United Kingdom start from a shared parenting framework, with safety and child welfare as key considerations. “That single shift changes the tone from confrontation to cooperation.” Fernandez said lawyers are often consulted only after relationships have deteriorated, when disputes over finances or children dominate. He added that at that stage, reconciliation may no longer be realistic, but conflict need not escalate. He said early interventions such as counselling and mediation could either support reconciliation or facilitate a dignified separation that protects children from parental conflict. “The issue is not legal representation itself. It is how late the system currently engages families in non-adversarial solutions.” He endorsed calls by the Malaysian Bar for non-adversarial divorce models but added that legislative reform is also essential. He urged a review of family laws to reflect modern parenting, move away from adversarial terms such as “custody” and implement early dispute resolution mechanisms with safeguards against abuse or violence. He also called for formalised parenting plans, stronger enforcement and updated laws on parental relocation and child abduction, both domestically and internationally. “These are reforms that require legislative courage, not minor adjustments.” Fernandez cautioned that without such reforms, rising divorces and declining reconciliation risk normalising high-conflict separations, leaving children exposed to prolonged parental disputes, disrupted parent-child bonds and long-term emotional strain, while increasing pressure on courts, schools and social services. “This is not about favouring mothers or fathers. It is about reducing conflict, improving stability and protecting children from outdated systems.” – By Kirtinee Ramesh

o ‘Communication becomes superficial and avoidance replaces engagement’

hostility, and makes emotional closure and cooperative co-parenting more difficult. “For children, prolonged parental conflict is one of the strongest predictors of long-term emotional distress.” She advocated therapeutic and child-centred approaches to separation, such as mediation, counselling-supported divorce and structured parenting programmes. These help families separate their roles as spouses while preserving their roles as parents, safeguarding children’s emotional security. She said preventing marital breakdown requires timely and structured support, not just crisis intervention. “This includes relationship education, parenting programmes during major life transitions and accessible counselling before conflict becomes entrenched. “Equally important are legal and psychological literacy, so couples understand their rights, responsibilities and the long-term impact of conflict on children.” Ultimately, divorce rarely happens overnight. “It is usually the result of accumulated stress, silence and missed opportunities for support. Seeking help early should be seen as an act of care rather than weakness. “Even when separation becomes unavoidable, how families navigate the process matters deeply. “With the right support, it is possible to reduce harm, preserve dignity and protect children’s well-being. Relationships may change form, but the responsibility to act with care and compassion remains.”

counselling, and many are not aware that divorce is not the only option,” she said, adding that in non-violent cases, relationships could often be repaired if support is sought early. Muslihah said divorce should not automatically be seen as a failure. “The law allows for divorce, including divorce by mutual consent. What matters most is that responsibility towards children does not end with the marriage.” She added that parents must continue to work together through healthy co-parenting arrangements even after separation, while society should move away from a blame-based view and recognise amicable divorce as a lawful process centred on dignity, fairness and the wellbeing of children. She also said chronic stress, including financial strain, mental health challenges and post-pandemic burnout, has also weakened marital stability in recent years. “When stress becomes prolonged, couples have less emotional energy for patience, empathy and problem-solving. “The relationship enters a ‘survival mode,’ in which partners react instead of working as a team.” She said common stress responses such as withdrawal, irritability or emotional exhaustion are often misinterpreted as a lack of love. “Uneven responsibilities could lead to burnout, gradually eroding the partnership marriage is meant to provide.” Muslihah also warned about the psychological impact of adversarial divorce processes, particularly on children. “For adults, a win-lose mindset increases

Ű BY KIRTINEE RAMESH newsdesk@thesundaily.com

PETALING JAYA: Universiti Putra Malaysia Human Development & Family Studies Department head Dr Muslihah Hasbullah said many marriages end not because of constant arguments but due to a quiet drift into emotional distance. She said couples often stop “turning towards each other” long before separation becomes inevitable. She added that communication becomes superficial, resentment builds and avoidance gradually replaces meaningful engagement. “In everyday behaviour, couples may avoid difficult conversations, become defensive or emotionally shut down to keep the peace. “Over time, this avoidance erodes trust and creates emotional distance that becomes very difficult to repair.” She said many couples also delay seeking professional help because counselling is still largely perceived as a last resort rather than preventive support. “Intervention often comes too late, when one or both partners have already decided the marriage is beyond saving. “There is still stigma attached to seeking Human Resources Minister Datuk Seri R. Ramanan said the LiKES approval process has been shortened to 14 working days from 90 previously, with an advance payment of RM2,000 introduced for each eligible company. He said the programme is being implemented through Talent Corporation Malaysia Berhad (TalentCorp) on a pay-and claim basis, with an allocation of RM30 million over three years which started in 2024. “The RM2,000 payment will be disbursed from March 1 and companies can expect to receive it within 14 working days, subject to the conditions set by TalentCorp. “Small and medium enterprises and startups should make the most of this. It’s a very good opportunity for interns to train themselves, enhance their skills and better prepare (for the workforce),” he told a press conference after visiting the TalentCorp headquarters yesterday. Also present were Deputy Minister Datuk Khairul Firdaus Akbar Khan, TalentCorp board chairman Wong Shu Qi and TalentCorp group CEO Edward Ling. Meanwhile, Ramanan said the implementation of the Gig Workers Act, which was gazetted on Dec 31, is expected to be finalised soon. He said although the ministry has prepared the draft of the Act, its implementation is still under discussion, including an additional allocation of RM100 million announced yesterday by Prime Minister Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim through

25,000 trainees to benefit from internship grant PETALING JAYA: A total of 25,000 trainees are set to benefit from the Internship Placement Matching Grant for Small and Medium Enterprises (LiKES), a government initiative aimed at empowering industrial training and enhancing youth employability.

Ramanan (second from left) observes a workstation during an official guided tour of the TalentCorp headquarters. – BERNAMAPIC

“There were six schools announced previously, five of which are under the Yayasan Didik Negara list. To start the renovation work, you have to wait for the bill of quantities before the open tender process can start,”he said in his capacity as the minister responsible for Indian community affairs. – Bernama

the Skills Development Fund Corporation. On the RM50 million allocation for upgrading Tamil national-type schools, also announced by Anwar yesterday, Ramanan said open tenders would be rolled out in phases for each school once the initial process is completed.