31/07/2025

THURSDAY | JULY 31, 2025

11

Finding fulfilment beyond comparison

W E have all felt it – that tiny sting of envy while scrolling past someone’s holiday snaps, reading about another promotion or hearing about a friend’s “perfect” relationship. Suddenly, you start questioning your own life. Did I make the wrong choices? Should I have done more? Am I behind? This feeling is not just a passing thought. In psychology, it is known as relative deprivation – a state where you feel worse off, not because you have less but because someone else seems to have more. It is not about what you truly lack but how you perceive yourself in comparison to others. Relative deprivation is fueled by something called social comparison theory. Proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger, the theory suggests that we evaluate our worth by comparing ourselves to others, especially when we are uncertain about our progress. Upward comparisons (looking at those who seem better off) can motivate us but they can also drain us, especially when we believe we fall short. In today’s hyper-connected digital world, we are bombarded with upward comparisons every time we pick up our phones. Even when we achieve something we once dreamed of, the satisfaction often fades quickly. This is called hedonic adaptation – our tendency to return to a baseline level of happiness, no

matter what external improvements we experience. You get the job, the car and the relationship but soon the high levels out. Then what? You look around and compare again. The cycle continues unless we interrupt it consciously. It begins with awareness. Start by noticing your trigger points. Was it a friend’s update on social media? A colleague’s success? A stranger’s story? Observe your emotional response without judgement. Just naming the emotion – envy, insecurity or loneliness – can soften its grip. Question the story you are telling yourself. Are you truly lacking or are you simply assuming someone else’s life is better? Most of what we envy is a highlight reel. No one posts the late nights, the silent battles or the compromises behind the scenes. What you are seeing is often a curated moment and not a complete reality. Ask yourself: Is this desire truly mine? Or is it a borrowed blueprint of what “success” or “happiness” is supposed to look like? This is where the concept of an internal locus of control becomes powerful. People with an internal locus believe that their life outcomes are shaped by their own values, choices and efforts and not by comparisons or external validation. Cultivating this mindset will help us stop outsourcing our joy and start reclaiming control over our paths. How do we shift from

the ability to genuinely celebrate someone else’s happiness without jealousy. It is the opposite of schadenfreude and the antidote to envy. Cultivating mudita will shift us from “Why not me?” to “I’m so glad it’s them”. It opens our hearts, not in performative politeness, but in deep recognition that others’ light does not dim our own. This does not mean we are pretending; it means we are training the heart to see abundance where the mind sees a lacking. We remind ourselves that joy is not a scarce resource and that someone else’s blooming does not cancel our own. Practising mudita will soften comparisons and plants seeds of contentment. It will help us see that everyone is on a journey, some ahead in certain ways, some behind, but all walking. We will start noticing how lush our own lives can be when we stop measuring them with someone else’s ruler. The next time the grass looks greener on the other side, pause, tend to your own. Water it, rest beside it and know that when you nourish your life with presence, gratitude and mudita , it won’t just look greener, it will feel more alive. Sometimes, that is all you ever need. DrPraveena Rajendra is a certified mental health and awareness practitioner specialising in narcissistic abuse recovery. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

unhealthy comparisons to grounded contentment? First, audit your inputs. You cannot control everything you see but you can curate your exposure. Unfollow, mute or take breaks from accounts that trigger constant comparisons. Follow those who inspire progress, not provoke inadequacy. Your digital space is your mental diet, protect it. Second, practise reverse comparison. Instead of only looking at who is ahead, look at how far you have come. Revisit old journals, photos or goals you have already achieved. Write down moments you thought you would not survive but did. This will help you anchor reality and reconnect with your resilience. Third, use comparison as a mirror, not a measurement. If someone’s success triggers discomfort, ask yourself: What inner longing is being revealed? Is it a desire for freedom, Recognition or creative expression? Instead of spiraling into self-doubt, let the comparison point you towards your unmet values, then act on them with kindness and clarity. Fourth, return to your own timeline. Milestones are not universal. Growth does not follow a schedule. Your life is not late or early; it is yours. Reclaiming this perspective is a radical act of self compassion. Most importantly, learn to feel joy for others without shrinking yourself. This is where an ancient but powerful concept comes in: mudita . Mudita , a term from Buddhist psychology, means sympathetic joy,

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“In today’s hyper connected digital world, we are bombarded with upward comparisons every time we pick up our phones. Even when we achieve something we once dreamed of, the satisfaction often fades quickly.

Act now: Ban e-cigarettes to protect our children

adopted a comprehensive ban on ecigarettes. In May 2025, Papua New Guinea issued a ministerial order to ban e-cigarettes. Globally, more than 40 countries have banned the sale of e-cigarettes, including several neighbouring Asean nations such as Brunei, Cambodia, Laos, Singapore and Thailand. These measures aim to protect young people and safeguard public health. The sheer diversity of e-cigarettes, with thousands of flavours and a wide range of device types, poses serious regulatory challenges and enforcement burdens. Enforcing a comprehensive ban requires adequate resources. But why invest in complex enforcement systems to manage a harmful and fast-evolving product increasingly linked to illicit activity when a comprehensive ban can offer a simpler and more effective way to protect public health and future generations? Malaysia stands at a critical juncture. Some states have taken a stricter stance against e-cigarettes by banning or not issuing licenses to sell them. Healthcare professionals, academia, political leaders and civil society are increasingly calling for a unified national level ban. We have seen how inconsistent measures and regulations have failed. We have witnessed the industry’s ability to relentlessly exploit and circumvent regulatory loopholes and target our most vulnerable population – our children. We cannot afford to wait. Every delay means more children exposed, more families affected and more lives at risk. The time to act is not tomorrow; it is today. Dr Rabindra Abeyasinghe WHO Representative to Malaysia, Brunei and Singapore Assoc Prof Dr Murallitharan Munisamy Chairman Malaysian Council for Tobacco Control

LETTERS

letters@thesundaily.com

IN schools, at homes and across Malaysia, a growing crisis is unfolding. Teenagers and young people are getting hooked on sleek, colourful devices, drawn in by the sweet flavours and playful packaging, unaware that each puff delivers nicotine, toxic chemicals and increasingly illicit drugs. Initially marketed as a “safer alternative” to conventional cigarettes, e-cigarettes or vapes have rapidly evolved into a new gateway to addiction, not limited to tobacco. In just five years, e-cigarette use in Malaysia among teenagers has increased by over 50%. Among adults, e-cigarette use increased sevenfold over the past decade, with younger age groups showing the highest current use. To address this growing public health crisis, Malaysia in 2024 strengthened its regulations on e-cigarettes, setting age restrictions for sale, aligning the packaging and labelling requirements and banning advertising, promotion and sponsorship in line with tobacco control measures. This was part of a broader tobacco control law reform to protect Malaysians. The steadfast commitment of Malaysian health leaders that led to the adoption of the new laws was recently recognised by the World Health Organisation (WHO) through the World No Tobacco Day Award 2025. However, the government must remain vigilant and uncompromising in its tobacco control efforts, as long as the industry continues to exploit loopholes and gaps to market its deadly products. E-cigarettes are harmful and addictive – they contain toxic substances that pose health risks to users and non-users who are exposed

The sheer diversity of e-cigarettes, with thousands of flavours and varying device types, poses serious regulatory challenges and enforcement burdens. – SUNPIC

as a vehicle for illicit substances. At the same time, the industry continues to fuel demand by designing products that appeal to youths and circumvent regulations. These products are increasingly widespread and their reach is expanding rapidly, particularly among young people. The effects are beginning to spill over into neighbouring countries as well. The evidence is clear and Malaysia must act decisively to stop this crisis. There is growing momentum in adopting comprehensive bans on e-cigarettes. In December 2024, Vietnam’s National Assembly

to secondhand emissions. These devices have also caused injuries, such as burns due to battery explosions. In Malaysia, there are increasing number of cases of poisoning related to e-cigarettes. While earlier cases involved unintentional poisoning in children under five, the recent rise in poisoning among adolescents who use e-cigarettes is even more alarming. Even more concerning is the increasing number of cases of e-cigarettes laced with illicit substances. Syndicates are taking advantage of regulatory gaps and enforcement challenges by using e-cigarettes