20/07/2025

ON SUNDAY JULY 20, 2025 theSunday Special V

Malaysia’s cultural clock In Malaysia, social timelines are loud. Family milestones are public. Decisions about marriage, children, career sta bility and home ownership aren’t just personal – they’re communal and this creates pressure. You’re not just living your life – you’re representing it to aun ties, uncles, schoolmates and colleagues. Deviating from the script feels rebel lious at best, shameful at worst. But here’s what’s rarely said: the script isn’t working for everyone. Not everyone wants the same things. Not everyone can D̆ RUG WKHP 1RW HYHU\RQH JHWV WKHP LQ time. That’s not failure – it’s life. S RPH RI WKH PRVW IXO¿OOHG SHRSOH \RX know didn’t follow the schedule. They changed careers at 40, fell in love at 50 or started over at 60, quietly building beautiful, unconventional lives that don’t look impressive online but feel right in their bones. They weren’t behind. They were simply OLYLQJ E\ D GL̆ HUHQW UK\WKP $QG WKH\ prove a quiet truth, there’s more than one way to arrive. A friend getting married doesn’t mean you’re unlovable. A cousin buying a property doesn’t make you unsuccessful. A peer’s promotion doesn’t erase your worth. Someone else’s timeline doesn’t dimin ish your own. There’s no leaderboard in life. No bonus for arriving early. Just the question: Are you where you need to be, for you? If the answer is no, that’s okay too. You can change direction, start again or begin late. Skip chapters. Rewrite the plot. The book is yours. The cost of the ‘catch-up’ mode When you live as though you’re already behind, life becomes a series of reactions. You begin chasing timelines that were never yours to begin with. Choices are made to satisfy expectations – not your own, but those of others. You rush into jobs, relationships, loans, even personas – not because they’re right, but because they seem timely, like checkpoints on a race you’re told to run. Somewhere down the line, you catch yourself wondering why everything feels hollow, why you’re exhausted. Why does nothing quite feel like you? Living by someone else’s clock might appear orderly from the outside, but it rarely brings peace on the inside. You are not behind. You are living a life that weaves through pauses and detours, heartbreaks and healing, triumphs and stumbles – all stitched together by a quiet resilience that keeps you moving. It’s unfolding in its rhythm and that rhythm is not wrong. Maybe you’re not exactly where you thought you’d be – not yet. Perhaps you’re VWLOO ¿QGLQJ \RXU IRRWLQJ 7KDW¶V QRW IDLO ure. That’s a life in motion. So the next time that voice inside says, “You’re late,” try asking it gently: “Late for what?” Because the only timeline that WUXO\ PDWWHUV LV WKH RQH WKDW ¿WV \RX

Everyone blooms in their own season

Even if you’re happy for them, you can still feel a pang. A sense of falling behind. This is especially potent in cultures like ours, where age-based progress is often regarded as a form of social currency. People ask: “You’re 30 already, no part ner?” or “Still renting at your age?” – not out of malice, but from a deeply ingrained belief that life is a race. But it’s not. It never was. What does it mean to be ‘on time’ Being “on time” in life assumes there’s a single clock we all follow. But your life is not a train schedule – it’s a landscape. Some people move fast. Others meander. 6RPH WDNH VFHQLF URXWHV 2WKHUV KLW WUḊ F

of your circumstances, your choices, your luck, your healing and your detours. None RI WKDW GLVTXDOL¿HV \RX IURP DUULYLQJ DW D life that feels full. The sense of lag often isn’t about real ity – it’s about expectation gaps. We imagined being further along. We thought we’d be “there” by now – wherever “there” is. And when our real lives don’t match the mental projection, disappointment sets in. It’s not the actual pace that hurts – it’s the comparison to an invisible deadline. T KLV JHWV DPSOL¿HG LQ VRFLDO VHWWLQJV At reunions, weddings or family dinners, the subtext often becomes: “So where are you now?” It’s rarely about geography. It’s about status, belonging and proof of progress.

Why the idea of ECVEJKPI WR KU ƔCYGF CPF JQY VQ TGENCKO [QWT QYP RCEG Y OU’RE scrolling again. Another engagement. An other house. Another friend’s kid is starting school. Another “life update” that feels like a gentle slap. You smile politely, tap a few emojis and move on – but somewhere inside, a voice pipes up: “You’re behind.” It’s stated casually, as if it were an observation. But it cuts like a judgment. It reminds you that you’re not where you thought you’d be. Not by this age. Not by this point. Not compared to … whoever just posted that shiny announcement. You start to wonder: Did I take the wrong turn? Am I playing catch-up for ever? The invented timeline Let’s be honest. Most of us were handed a script. Graduate by 22. Career by 25. Married by 30. Home by 35. Children. Promotions. Holidays. Maybe a side hustle. Retire early if you’re lucky. But where did this timeline come from? Mostly, nowhere. It’s a patchwork of generational norms, family expectations, social media com parisons and marketing. It’s a narrative built less on truth and more on templates and it has very little to do with you. The idea that there’s one universal schedule for success is absurd – yet we internalise it early and judge ourselves mercilessly when we don’t follow it. Milestones were once private events. Now they’re content. Each achievement becomes a post. Each post becomes a comparison point. It’s not just what people are doing – it’s when they’re doing it and how publicly. BY DR SRITHARAN VELLASAMY

Dr Sritharan Vellasamy is the CEO of Wordlabs Global, a regional media company based in Kuala Lumpur and the author of the upcoming book &TCI You to the Mountain .

Y ĢŏϞľãϰěĢŊϰØãüÿěßλϰ§ĢŏϞľãϰČŏłŊϰěĢŊϰľŏłüÿě÷ϰŊĢϰłĢęãĢěãϰãēłãϞłϰżěÿłüϰēÿěãλ