22/06/2025

theSunday Special XII ON SUNDAY JUNE 22, 2025 T HERE’S a moment many Ma laysians know too well: You’re at a family gathering, sipping your cup of tea and someone usually a distant relative or a well-meaning auntie asks, “So, when’s your turn?” Maybe they’re talking about marriage. Perhaps it’s babies. Maybe it’s your cousin’s third investment property. Whatever it is, it’s code for: You’re falling behind.

How to feel less behind in a world that won’t slow down

If you catch yourself spiralling, ask better questions: What do I actually want my days to feel like? Am I moving in a direction that feels true to me? What’s one thing I can appreciate about this phase of life? In therapy circles, this shift in internal dialogue is called reframing and it’s not about denial. It’s about clarity, perspective and self-compassion. Because the truth is, progress isn’t always loud. In a city like Kuala Lumpur, where life feels constantly on fast-forward, stillness can seem like failure. But growth isn’t always a breakthrough moment. Sometimes it looks like rest. Sometimes it seems like letting go. Sometimes it’s sur viving, not thriving and that’s something to be proud of. In Malaysian urban culture, where “doing well” is often code for material markers – condo, car, career – the idea of internal success can feel too soft. But soft doesn’t mean less. Emotional resil ience, self-awareness and a kinder inner voice matter. You just can’t post them on Instagram. Think about how you speak to a friend who’s struggling. You’d tell them to breathe. To take it one day at a time. To stop comparing. But how often do we R̆ HU WKDW VDPH NLQGQHVV WR RXUVHOYHV" :H extend grace outward but hold ourselves to impossible standards inward. Learning to reverse that – to provide ourselves with patience, forgiveness and perspective is one of the quietest forms of personal growth. The feeling of being behind usually comes from one belief: that life is linear. That there’s a “right” way to live it. But life is full of loops, pauses and side quests. Some people start over at 50. Others bloom in ways no one sees coming. You don’t need to prove anything to catch up. You’re allowed to take the long way. You’re allowed to grow slowly. You’re allowed to be a work in progress, without apology. So the next time you find yourself thinking, “I should be further along by now”, try this instead: “I’m not late. I’m living my timeline – not theirs.” For today, that’s enough.

We don’t live in a vacuum. We live in a world of comparison – some of it innocent, some of it exhausting. Scroll through Instagram and you’ll see your school mates buying cars, colleagues launching VLGH KXVWOHV DFTXDLQWDQFHV MHWWLQJ R̆ WR Europe for the third time this year. Even the guy who never paid attention in class seems to be running a startup now. It’s easy to start asking: Did I miss something? Am I too late? The invisible timeline myth The pressure doesn’t just come from what others have but from the assumption that we should be there too. There’s some invisible timeline we’re all supposed to follow and if we’re not ticking the right boxes by a certain age, we feel we’re failing. Life doesn’t follow a single template. 6RPH SHRSOH SHDN DW 2WKHUV ¿JXUH LW out at 43. Some marry early, some late, VRPH QHYHU 6RPH ¿QG SXUSRVH LQ UDLVLQJ children; others in writing books, building companies, opening cafés or simply being a reliable friend. Your pace is not your neighbour’s pace. Your path, no matter how winding, still counts. We forget this because timelines to day are louder and more visible than ever. Social media acts like a scoreboard. Promotions get posted, relationships DQQRXQFHG PLOHVWRQHV ¿OWHUHG WKURXJK #achievementunlocked . The in-between bits, the messy figuring-it-out phases, rarely cut. Behind every curated “big move” is often a quiet struggle. Anxiety, therapy, self-doubt, spreadsheets and loans. Behind every life that looks “stuck” could be someone quietly rebuilding, processing a loss, healing from burnout or learning to like themselves again.

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BY DR SRITHARAN VELLASAMY

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Small wins and quiet progress One way out of this spiral is to zoom in. )RUJHW ¿YH \HDUV IURP QRZ )RUJHW ZKDW your classmates are doing. Just focus on today. Sometimes the smallest wins build the biggest shifts. Finally sending that email, making a proper lunch and cleaning the part of your room you’ve ignored for weeks. These aren’t headline moments. But that’s how momentum is built. That sense of progress – real, slow and unglamorous can’t always be measured in likes or LinkedIn announcements. Success doesn’t always arrive loudly. Sometimes, it’s just getting through the week without falling apart. E YHQ WKH GH¿QLWLRQ RI VXFFHVV PLJKW need rewriting. Is it a house or peace of mind? A raise or more time with your parents? A bigger role or better boundar ies? What are you really chasing and who told you should want it? Don’t measure your life with someone else’s ruler It’s a simple line with deep implications.

Think about how you speak to a friend who’s struggling. You’d tell them to breathe. To take it one day at a time. To stop comparing. But how often do we offer that same kindness to ourselves?”

We live in a world of comparison – some of it innocent, some of it exhausting.”

Dr Sritharan Vellasamy is the CEO of Wordlabs Global, a regional media company based in Kuala Lumpur and the author of the upcoming book Drag You to the Mountain .

What are you really chasing and who told you should want it?