06/06/2025

FRIDAY | JUNE 6, 2025

10

Under One Roof

Reaching across the years Q: I have been estranged from my adult daughter for many years. I’ll admit, I was not the best father when she was growing up, though I have worked hard to change and grow in recent years. We have not spoken since she was 17, and she is now 35. I want to reconnect with her but I am unsure if I should reach out or wait and hope that she takes the first step. What should I do? Let your daughter know that you care and that you are genuinely interested in reconnecting. A little humility and vulnerability can go a long way. Just as important, be willing to persevere. Rebuilding trust and restoring a relationship, especially after many years, can be a slow and sometimes painful process.

considering getting married within the next two years. However, my parents, who have always been quite strict and controlling, strongly believe we should wait until after we graduate. What is your advice? Focus on the Family Malaysia: Research shows that the first three to six months of a relationship are often part of what is called the “infatuation stage”. During this time, couples are typically caught up in the excitement of being in love, which can make it difficult to see each other or the relationship realistically. That is one reason we generally advise couples to date for at least a year before considering engagement. Waiting a couple of years before marrying sounds like a wise approach. We would recommend spending at least the first part of that time continuing to date without becoming formally engaged. Use this period to really get to know one another on a deeper level – beyond the honeymoon phase of early romance. In the meantime, consider enrolling in a

structured premarital counselling programme that includes personality assessments. Finally, consider the wisdom of your parents’ advice. They know you better than you may think they do and probably have valid reasons for suggesting that you finish university before plunging into marriage. The fact that they support your relationship in general suggests they see its potential, which is an encouraging sign. Ultimately, while it is possible for a marriage to thrive during university, your chances of long-term success are greater if you give the relationship a bit more time to mature. Patience now can lead to a stronger, more lasting future together. This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Join dad and daughter date and make memories that will last a lifetime for you and your daughter (13-19 years). Register now at family.org.my/daddaughter. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com and reputable

Do not give up at the first sign of adversity. Be prepared for hesitation or unresolved hurt. Give her space to process old wounds that have not been resolved yet and be patient with her response. And take heart. Whether a child is 15 or 50, deep down, most long to reconcile with their parent in some way. Some may be immediately open while others may carry anger or mistrust that takes time to work through. Even if she desires to reconnect, her heart may need time to heal. Keep your heart open and continue to take gentle, consistent steps forward. Q: My girlfriend and I are both in our first year of university and we have been dating for about five months. We are seriously

Focus on the Family Malaysia: Our hearts go out to both you and your daughter. It is likely that many factors over the years have contributed to this painful estrangement and we recognise how difficult this must be. It is encouraging to hear that you have made positive changes in your life – that is an important first step. For most children, regardless of their age, their parents are still seen as the “grown-ups” in the relationship. That is why, in most cases, it is appropriate for the parent to take the initiative. So, unless there is some kind of extenuating circumstance, we encourage you to reach out first.

COMMENT by Dr Mohd Zaidi Md Zabri

From ironed uniforms to flexible work I GREW up watching the hardest-working people I have ever known – my parents – build their lives with discipline, thrift and remarkable resilience. They did not talk much about sacrifice; they lived it. cost no more than three times the annual household income – a reasonably priced home in Malaysia should be around RM228,000.

In contrast, data from the National Property Information Centre shows that the Malaysian House Price Index for the first quarter of 2025 stood at 225.3 points, with the average house price at RM486,070 – more than double the affordable range. Behind these figures are personal struggles and difficult choices. These are not just economic pressures; they are human realities. This is not about entitlement; it is about adaptation. Different priorities, same worth The generation that built Malaysia’s early economy placed immense value on order, loyalty and seniority. In their time, these values aligned with a world where playing by the rules led to security. Today, that promise may no longer hold true. Even those who follow the “rules” – get a degree, secure a job and work hard – may still find themselves struggling. As a result, today’s generation places greater emphasis on mental health, work-life balance and meaningful engagement. They speak openly about burnout and pushback against outdated norms that equate long hours with dedication. They seek dignity, not just stability; purpose, not just paychecks. This is not a moral failing but a reflection of a changing world. In Islamic economic principles, fairness (‘ adl ), compassion ( ihsan ) and balance is key to a just society. When times change, justice requires systems to adapt. What some may view as a lack of resilience is often the result of structural strain, not personal weakness. Shifting values do not signal decline; they reflect changing realities. From blame to building Malaysia is ageing. By 2030, 15% of our population will be over the age of 60. At the same time, younger generations – Gen Z and Gen Alpha – will dominate the workforce. Without mutual understanding, our social cohesion and economic vitality are at risk. Different generations have different concerns. In the workplace, older Malaysians value punctuality and tenure. Meanwhile, the

One of my fondest memories from childhood is the scent of spray starch on my father’s army uniform, particularly his No.3 work dress, a light olive-green ensemble worn for daily duties. Every morning, he would iron it with military precision: sharp creases and clean lines. The scent of starch would fill the air. It was oddly soothing. It signalled structure (pun intended, as my father served in the Royal Signal Regiment), responsibility and a quiet pride in serving something bigger than oneself. Back then, hard work led to stability and stability brought progress. However, that equation does not carry the same weight today. When we overlook how the economic and social landscape has shifted, we risk misreading a fundamental change in values. We all grew up in different Malaysias My parents never asked for much. When my father retired from the military after 21 years, in a career he often summed up with quiet conviction as: “ Mati hidup balik sekalipun, aku tetap jadi askar. ”He did so without much fanfare. They simply packed up their belongings, left the army quarters and returned to their hometown where they bought their first home – a modest single-storey terrace house paid for with his equally modest pension. Raising six children, they supplemented their income through long hours and hard labour. At the time, government pensions, community support and frugality were enough to support a family of eight. However, the Malaysia they lived in is no longer the one young people face today. Despite holding degrees and full-time jobs, many young Malaysians (the writer included) continue to struggle with home ownership, job security and the rising cost of living. According to the Department of Statistics Malaysia, the median household income in 2022 was RM6,338 per month or roughly RM76,056 per year. Based on the global housing affordability benchmark – which suggests a home should

Today’s generation speak openly about burnout and pushback against outdated norms that equate long hours with dedication. They seek dignity, not just stability. Purpose, not just paychecks. – BERNAMAPIC

Listening without labels This is not a contest over who struggled more. Every generation faces unique challenges. Our parents endured physical hardship and economic scarcity. Young people today face emotional strain, inequality and instability. Rather than judge, we must recognise our shared values – resilience, fairness and compassion. Boomers bring legacy and wisdom. Gen X offers pragmatism and perspective. Millennials are drivers of innovation and collaboration. Gen Z contributes urgency and moral clarity. Islamic teachings remind us that diversity – including generational diversity – is a strength to be embraced, not merely managed. Let us move beyond labels. Let us listen more and assume less. And let us build a Malaysia where all generations can thrive – together. Dr Mohd Zaidi Md Zabri is the interim director at the Centre of Excellence for Research and Innovation in Islamic Economics, Isra Institute, INCEIF University. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

younger ones seek autonomy and flexibility. National planning must evolve with the times. Our education, employment and welfare systems need to reflect current realities, not just inherited assumptions. For instance, Malaysia could introduce a centralised “portable benefits wallet” for gig workers, where contributions to retirement savings, healthcare and social protection follow the worker – not the employer. This model, already being piloted in the US and parts of Europe, ensures that contract and gig workers are not left behind in an economy where job security is no longer guaranteed. Similarly, a housing start-up account for youths under 35, where the government matches a portion of savings – such as RM1 for every RM2 saved annually – could help first time home-buyers overcome affordability barriers. This approach, inspired by Singapore’s CPF model, would encourage long- term financial planning while making homeownership more attainable. These types of forward-looking policies acknowledge that fairness looks different across generations – and so does respect.