16/05/2025

FRIDAY | MAY 16, 2025

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Helping shy children shine Q : Our daughter is painfully shy. As a toddler, she would hide behind my legs whenever guests came over. Now, as a teenager, she still struggles encouragement, parents can help shy children develop confidence in social settings. to learn how to manage their shyness.

gaps; I got gaps. Together we fill the gaps!” Rocky’s statement is simple but profound. We have the ability to be strong where our spouse is weak. To do that, we have to be willing to step outside of ourselves and make our spouse’s needs a priority. The love we feel when we are dating is usually all about our needs being met. That is why Gallagher describes marriage as a “bold” move – because real love begins only after the infatuation fades. And when it does, lasting love is found not in constant excitement but in the quiet courage to serve one another. To fill each other’s gaps. It is bold, idealistic and absolutely worth it. This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Join the dad and daughter date and make memories that will last a lifetime for you and your daughter (13-19 years). Register now at family.org.my/daddaughter. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

Q: I’m in my late 20s. I date a lot but have seen so many marriages break up, including my parents’, that I’m not keen to go down that road myself. Why pursue a lost cause, right? Focus on the Family Malaysia: One of the most insightful statements I have heard about marriage comes from author Maggie Gallagher: “Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us will ever do.” Gallagher is right; marriage demands a lot from us. Building a successful marriage requires us to think about our spouse’s well-being more than our own. And this is no surprise – this kind of sacrifice does not come naturally. It takes a lot of commitment to live it out every day. One of my favourite thoughts about marriage comes from an unexpected philosopher: Rocky Balboa. In the original 1976 movie, a friend asks Rocky why he is interested in Adrian, a young woman who is painfully shy. Rocky replies in his trademark way: “She’s got

Shy people feel most timid in unfamiliar situations. One solution would be to make those settings feel more predictable and routine. Create opportunities for your daughter to venture into unknown territory with you by her side. For example, let her order her own meal at a restaurant or accompany her while she asks a salesperson a question. You can coach her the first few times on what to say but you should gradually pull back when she starts handling the situation on her own. Remember, too, that you will probably have to repeat this process for each new situation. Ordering her own meal, for instance, may not directly help her to make phone calls or set appointments. But with each new task she conquers, her overall confidence should grow. A shy child will likely always be shy. But handled properly, shyness can be a gift. Shy children tend to grow into sensitive and caring adults, who show a high degree of compassion for others. They just need some help from you

with social interaction – avoiding eye contact and rarely speaking up around others. Although she does well academically, we are concerned about how her shyness might affect her future relationships and opportunities. How can we support her in becoming more confident and comfortable in social situations? Focus on the Family Malaysia: First, let’s clarify a common misconception. Author Susan Cain points out: “Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating.” Some introverts are shy, and many shy people are introverted. But those are not synonymous terms. Shyness is usually a personality trait. It is not that children want to feel timid around people; they just do. With some patience and

COMMENT by Dr Nahrizul Adib Kadri

Whither the reading habit? THE steady decline in the reading habit amongst fellow Malaysians needs to be LETTERS letters@thesundaily.com

Your light does not need a spotlight THERE is a peculiar thing about self-improvement in today’s world: everyone seems to be doing it loudly. Scroll through your feed and you will probably see declarations of 5am workouts, new diets, study plans, detoxes, resolutions and resets.

simply skim through the content rather than engaging with it meaningfully. This is the key difference between genuine readers and casual browsers. Newspaper subscribers tend to read deeply and absorb the information presented while browse readers engage only superficially. In the same vein, it is now rare to see people reading at bus stops, on trains or in parks. Instead, most are absorbed in their mobile phones, often scrolling mindlessly. Many people scroll through their phones without truly absorbing the information they encounter. Instead, they are often more engaged in playing games, watching series or constantly texting. These are just some of the everyday realities we see around us. Naturally, with less meaningful reading and language exposure, the standard of language will decline. This is the price we pay for the rise of modern technology, especially if no corrective measures are taken. The best and most effective way to inculcate the reading habit in children is through their parents. I have noticed that children tend to mirror the habits of parents who read books, magazines or newspapers regularly. Teaching children to read should begin at a young age as this is when they are most receptive to learning. In the end, it all comes down to whether one chooses to cultivate the reading habit – seeking knowledge and wisdom for their own benefit. Thiagarajan Mathiaparanam Klang

addressed and arrested. The reading habit was a common form of hobby in the 1960s and 1970s. During the long school holidays, my brothers and sisters would be deeply engrossed in reading their story books. Back in my days in Pahang, television was not available yet. The valve-set radio was the main source of news and entertainment in most households. Many families also subscribed to newspapers to stay informed about events around the world – an experience that naturally helped cultivate a strong reading habit. Nowadays, with television no longer a luxury, entertainment and global news are readily accessible. As a result, the reading habit has waned away. It is rare to see people buying newspapers today. The paltry stack of newspapers carried on the back of a vendor’s motorcycle and the token few copies displayed at newsstands serve as clear signs of the dwindling reading culture among the current generation. Currently, most newspaper subscribers are in their 70s and 80s, and their numbers are dwindling each year as many stop their subscriptions due to health issues or rising costs. To encourage greater readership, the government should consider subsidising newspaper sales. After all, a well informed society is essential for the nation’s progress. In today’s commercialised world, where e-papers dominate, I often wonder whether those who subscribe or read online truly read. Many

Some even announce they are “going offline to focus on themselves” – and then proceed to post about it. But here is a question worth asking: Who are we really doing it for? True growth, I believe, happens in silence. It isn’t broadcasted with hashtags or filtered selfies. It happens on those ordinary days when no one is watching, and yet, we still choose to show up – for ourselves. Take Keanu Reeves, for example. One of Hollywood’s most recognisable faces, yet possibly also one of the quietest. After the success of The Matrix franchise, Reeves gave away a significant portion of his earnings – some reports say up to US$70 million (RM300 million) – to the behind-the scenes crew: the makeup artists, the costume designers, the unsung talents who helped shape the cinematic magic. He didn’t hold a press conference. He didn’t tell the world to “stay humble”. He just did it. Silently. Sincerely. And perhaps that is the point. Real self-improvement doesn’t seek applause. It doesn’t begin with a public pledge or a viral post. It begins with intention – and grows through consistency. In the book Tuesdays with Morrie , Mitch Albom recounts a conversation with his former professor, Morrie Schwartz. “Don’t let go too soon,” Morrie advises, “but don’t hang on too long”. In the context of change, this is profound. It is a reminder that becoming better – emotionally, mentally, spiritually – is not about extreme pivots or sudden reinventions. It is about knowing what to keep, what to release and doing both with grace. And then there is Rumi – whose verses, though centuries old, still pulse with modern relevance. He wrote: “Don’t you know yet? It is your Light that

True growth happens in silence. It isn’t broadcasted with hashtags or filtered selfies. – REUTERSPIC

fixing your habits, setting boundaries, seeking peace, becoming softer in some places and stronger in others – keep going. Let it be your secret project, nurtured in silence and tended with care. You don’t need a witness. You don’t need permission. You will know you are changing not by what others say but by what no longer rattles you. You will notice it in the pause you now take before reacting, the space you make for stillness, the clarity that rises in moments of solitude. There is no announcement for this kind of growth. Only small, steady proof in the way you move through the world. And one day, perhaps without even realising it, your presence will shift the room. Your calm will be louder than your words. Your steadiness will be noticed without explanation. Your light, as Rumi promised, will light the world. Dr Nahrizul Adib Kadri is a professor of biomedical engineering at the Faculty of Engineering and the principal of Ibnu Sina Residential College, Universiti Malaya. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com

lights the worlds.” What a stunning thought. That our quiet work – the healing we do in private, the restraint we practise in anger, the effort we put into becoming kinder, calmer, wiser – sends ripples beyond what we can see. You don’t need to declare it. Your light will show. However, I get it. In a world that rewards visibility, silence can feel like insignificance. We are conditioned to think that if no one notices our progress, it somehow does not count. That is a dangerous illusion. Because often, the most powerful transformations are the ones no one claps for. When a tree grows, it does not shout: “Look at me!”It simply stretches upward, season by season. Its roots deepen silently. Its fruits and shade speak for it. Likewise, your growth does not need to be explained. It will show in how you carry yourself. In your choices. In your discipline when no one is watching. In the way you respond to challenges that once overwhelmed you. And if no one sees it? That is okay too. Because the goal was never applause. The goal was growth. So, if you are on that quiet journey –